midnight hour.

Shifting

2010-07-12T09:39:00.007+08:00

Hello world I doubt nobody cares but I'm just gg to tell you anyway. I AM MOVING TO TUMBLR NAO! http://lilreddots.tumblr.com heheh cya there!!! I just like how it has more neat functions than Blogger, OK BYE :)

Apparently I made this Tumblr when I was in Sec 3, but I forgot abt it LOL.

And if you're wondering why "lilreddots", although I know none of you are, it's cus I used to be called a Pimple Monster so yes :\ Ah story of my life. I'm just glad my skin's better now, Alhamdulillah :)

Run away

2010-07-08T09:21:00.002+08:00

Honestly from the bottom of my heart I truly wish I can change into a different class next semester. I know this wish may or may not be the best thing for me, but I know I'll be hpy enough w just the change itself. Call me a coward it's true I wna run away. I'm still not rdy to face my own consequences. I want to run away.

Hair plans + Flowers :)

2010-07-06T22:48:00.010+08:00

Hehe, it feels like it's been so long since I last blogged! A lot has hpned, but I just don't feel like talking abt anyth right now, Idk why. I just feel like writing abt how excited I am to like change my hairstyle finally! But not anytime soon tho. Maybe sem break. I can't decide which one to do first, soft rebonding or dyeing (ash brown :D) or cut a bob! I wna do them allll, but I guess I shall continue to keep it long for now since I've nvr kept my hair this long bfr my whole life lol. And when I am in Year 2 I shall try out light brown contacts! Hope I won't look weird :\ Why Year 2? Cus I don't wna do so much so quick tt I'll fade out so soon. I wna start w humble beginnings and build myself up from thr :) OH AND OF COS I WNA LOSE WEIGHT. Plan to lose 5kg by end of this yr Insya Allah! Ramadhan cming hehehe :)

OK suddenly now I feel like coloured contacts aint such a gd idea. Gosh I'm fickleminded. Ah well. I just hope to look better soon! And FINALLY this wkend I hv nth on. Shall get my blogshop open you ppl help me out okay :) I hv this urge to clean and redecorate my rm too whoo for bursts of creativity :D My #1 motivation for cleaning my rm is tt time when we went to Melaka thr was this huuuge flower shop I got so lost in tt my mum had to bodily pull me out my Nyai told me I cld buy some flowers once my rm is done. I can't wait I love flowers oh no!!!! :)

Some bouquets tt I adore too much aren't they sweet ♥

You know I've been pretty down lately but I'm all right now!!! Yay :) And even just admiring these pics makes me smile :) Well bye everyone :)

it has to be you

2010-06-12T03:22:00.006+08:00

Cinderella's Sister rly is one of the best shows I hv ever watched in my entire life. It's made me reflect on myself, the ppl ard me, love and basically life as a whole thousands of times. It's got me thinking abt the different kinds of ppl there are in this world. How they affect one another. It's just so amazing how you started off alone, then you meet someone. And ever since then you're unable to live w/o him or her. I mean you were completely fine on your own for your entire life bfr you met them, so how can it be so hard to do tt agn? It's like... Idk, bluetack? Cus tt's what I've been playing with whilst watching the eps today so it sparked me haha (technically this one's white so it's more of whitetack but ah doesn't matter). As in hearts are like bluetacks. Like you're this one lonely lil lump, but it's ok it's all gd. Tt's how you roll. Then one day, another lump comes by and you bump into each other. You become stuck tgt, and it's a whole new big lump of bluetack. Like an entire new whole. Like you've become one. So when you try to separate, you just can't. Cus you've become a part of him and he a part of you. You're incomplete w/o each other now. Yes. Now tt's what you call soulmates. ♥

LOL what an unromantic way to describe love. But yes. It's true what right. What a discovery lol. I love (making up) theories/metaphors. Qey wld know tt hehe. Here's what I mean:

It Has To Be You - Yesung

Even today, I wander in my memory
And I'm straying around the end of this road
You’re still holding me tightly, even though I can’t see you any more
I’m losing my way again
That I want to see you and hold you more
I pray as I look to the sky
It can’t be if it’s not you
I can’t be without you
It’s okay if I’m hurt for a day, a month or a year like this
It’s fine even if my heart hurts
Because I love only you
I can't send you away one more time
I can’t live without you
It can’t be if it’s not you
I can’t be without you
It’s okay if I’m hurt for a day, a month or a year like this
It’s fine even if my heart hurts
Because I love only you
My injured heart is telling me to find you
Screaming
Where are you?
Can’t you hear my voice?
To me…
Even if I live again
Even if I'm reborn a thousand times
I can’t live without you even for one day
I will protect this love
I will love this love
Yes, because I'm only happy if I'm with you
I'm only happy if I love you.

I've nvr had an experience like this bfr, even with S. With S, when it was over, I took 2 whole yrs to get over him. During those 2 yrs, it was, like how I wrote it, "I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm in love without you." Yes. You can nvr seem to forget your first love ("...even though they weren't much"). And he was mine. Tt's all. It's all gd now. :)

But I rly do still wonder. When I will meet my soulmate, or if I ever will even. Like is there rly a soulmate out there for me. Oh well. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I believe in God's Decree. I believe in Destiny. ♥

i'm straying away agn

2010-05-29T01:07:00.007+08:00

"Quran is the last and final revelation of Allah, revealed to the last and final messenger Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). The Holy Quran is the most positive book in this world. It’s a proclamation to humanity. It’s a fountain of mercy & wisdom. It’s a warning to the heedless. An assurance to those who are in doubt. A solace to the suffering. And hope to those who are in despair. Do you think it’s possible to derive all these benefits from the Holy Quran unless you read, understand, ponder over the meaning, implement and put it to practice? Alhamdulillah, the Holy Quran is the most widely read book in the world. But unfortunately it’s also the book, which is maximum read without understanding. That’s the reason, the relationship of the Muslims with the Quran has weakened, and it has left us with only paying outwardly respect to it, and we have not derived the real benefit and guidance for which it was revealed. What a tragic misfortune it is, if you get the Quran and you went away empty handed. Souls untouched, hearts unmoved, and life unchanged."

"And one of the signs of the Last Day is when the mosques will be full of people but they will be empty of right guidance."

"The Hour will come, when people believe in the stars and reject Al-Qadar (the Divine Decree of destiny)."

"There will come a time upon the Ummat when people will recite the Quran, but it will not go further than their throats (into their hearts)."

"There will come a time for my people when there will remain nothing of the Quran except its outward form and nothing of Islam except its name and they will call themselves by this name even though they are the people furthest from it."

Huda.... are you not scared? Yes you know you are, but it SEEMS to be the least of your problems. You SEEM to be more worried that you can't swim, that you don't have enough stamina, what ppl rly think of you, when you're gna get your pocket money, whether your bag/earrings/ring/dress are still in stock, if you can get that LMS retest, what grades you're gna get, how far behind you are in your schwork, if anyone's gna eat up those Kit Kats in the fridge, that you'll feel lonely....

Why? The one Thing tt truly matters, the one Thing tt you know will NVR let you down. Why aren't you prioritizing It, Huda? You know that nth in this world is ever built to last. So don't keep holding onto them. Hope, what use is hope? If you don't do anything abt it? It's faith tt'll get you through, my dear. Do what is required of you and have faith in Allah.

Remembering ytd

2010-05-20T12:20:00.006+08:00

Hi it's POA lecture right now I'm supposed to be paying attention but I've been bloghopping ahaha. I'm also clicking on random mths in my archive (haha my nvr-ending argument w Qey abt the pronunciation :D) and reading my old posts. Man. It's a weird feeling cus it feels so long ago yet at the same time it also feels so close. I used to type so briefly tt even now when I'm reading my own posts I don't get some of them. Rly. I am still quite the introvert, and I will continue to be, because tt's just the way I've always been. I just talk a lot cus I want ppl to feel comfortable, and I want myself to feel comfortable. Yeah. But if I sense tt I am only being a booger I will stop.

And Idk if this is random. Maybe it isn't. Just got a letter on my door addressed to my dad ytd. Idk why they haven't registered his COD yet. And even if he was still alive, he hasn't been living in my hse for the past 5yrs, he hasn't even been living in Singapore for the past 2+yrs. So yes. And since Abg is in NS, Kakak is in Melbourne, my mum has no rights, and my uncle is in the Middle East, it's up to the newly-turned 17yr old me to bring myself to call and inform them. I know my dad is gone, I rmb it every day, but when I actually say it out from my mouth I still find it hard to believe.

I feel bad tt I'm longing for someone who is gone when I shd be cherishing the ppl who are actually still here. Am I being greedy? Smtimes I feel like I am. Oh well. I miss you daddy. :\

A friendship like ours

2010-05-19T19:53:00.008+08:00

A friendship like ours
gives life a sweet sense of continuity.
Our relationship combines
the past and future
in a way that is natural,
comfortable... reassuring.
And while other friends,
new friends,
see the me that I've become,
you know the me
I've always been,
just as I know the history
you grew from,
the stories that shaped you.

In this world of change,
it is a rare thing,
a precious thing,
to know and be known so well.
A friendship like ours
is something to cherish.
And I want you to know,
I do.

Oh man I rly love this poem tt was on the card tt Nad & Nad gave me ♥ And tt's coming from a person who is very biased against "poems" tt don't even rhyme. It's just so true la huh. Met Nadzirah in Pri 3, met Nadia in Pri 5 (even tho we were from the same Nursery class neither of us knew! Hehehe I only rmb the mmts I had w the boy(s) I had crush(es) on heheh whops :$). So yeah there are *a lot* of memories. Haa where did the yrs go~

Anwz. Loved the short yet sweet heart2heart talk w Bayla too oh man besides Fathiah she's so far my only NP friend whom I've had girl talk with! Hehehe as much as I enjoy spouting stupid nonsense everywhere Huda still loves retiring to deep mature conversations at the end of the day (or night) :)

Well. Shall be off now. Love you friends!!!!!! Muah muah ♥

We rly are awesome examples of BFFs huh.
6 yrs & 8 yrs respectively.
I am so glad you nvr left.

P/S: I rmb there was once a time in Sec 2 or 3 I think I was feeling sad and lonely. Told Audrey (♥) abt the problem and she replied me so genuinely aww. Then there was a quote in the sms and tt was "Rmb, you don't need a certain number of friends. Just a number of friends you're certain of." Oh man so glad I do hv them. My heart is open to anyone in poly but if nobody wants it it's ok I hv my BFFs to keep it company :) Hehe. OK cut the cheesiness GDBYE.

I hope that it will stay

2010-05-04T22:42:00.009+08:00

This shall be an all-words post just to warn you :)

Today sch was only soso-okay. Ytd too. The only things tt I truly enjoyed were MAEC and PBA tutorials, constantly bugging Rui Hao on MSN cus I just didn't wna do my hw, spending the 2hr lunch break w Fathiah alone (I still love 1-on-1s best ♥), and well bumping into this smbody I used to hv a crush on back in Sec 4. This was the first time he talked to me! He actually talked to me!! Oh man he's so friendly. Can't believe I was so scared last time. And it's so wasn't a waste to hv liked him :) Aah I feel so nice right now :)

Speaking of this, yea I agree w Justina ever since NP we hang out w guys a lot. Haha from like absolutely 0 in sec sch (for me at least) to like Idk how many now. I mean it's gd in a sense tt I finally know how guys think and stuff, and it's definitely nice in a sense tt I feel kinda safe when ard them? Like I dun feel so vulnerable. Idk la there's just smth in those testosterones. (I dun mean for this to sound wrong ok!! :\) But it's like I just rly rly miss being w my girl friends, my best friends, we tgt super noob and jakun when it comes to boys. I miss hving hrs-long conversations abt anything, everything and nothing, I miss shopping trips and being so ditzy and a bimbo, I miss not hving to care abt my image (like when I eat or talk abt certain things) cus I know my sistahs won't judge me.

But most of all.......... I miss getting so "omg!" when a guy pats my head or puts his hand on my shoulder or does smth nice or sweet for me. I'm still not very used to it, I hv to keep on reminding myself tt all these gestures is no big deal. It's normal. It's neutral. IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. It's nice to know they don't dislike you but yet it's hard to NOT feel at least the least bit special. Idk la. I'm just a sensitive loser. Dun hafta care abt me. Bye.

But yes, I miss the innocence. If I'm gna lose smth as precious as this, I'd want it to be worth it. But what to do, it happens too often (at least by my standards). I just hafta continue to act normal and shield this silly heart of mine from getting too emotionally caught up. Ya. I hv a clumsy heart. It keeps falling and falling and falling. Stop it Huda. Just don't care for once.

But I do care :(

2nd wk of sch

2010-04-30T11:40:00.006+08:00

It's only the last day of the 2nd wk of sch and I alrdy feel so tired :( I am so weak man. My CCA (NPOB ♥) is only on every Fri and I hvnt even got any real hw yet but smhow I feel so burdened. I actually think tt it's becos of the fact tt I'm not doing anything tt gives me this headache. I feel so useless :| Yet I rly miss the holidays. SO many things hv happened this past 5 mths, it's crazy. Happy things, sad things. A LOT of SEEs (Significant Emotional Event) (hehe learnt this in LMS) (Life Management Skills). Srsly, I always knew tt sec sch is a small world, but I nvr knew it was THIS sheltered. Cus now tt I'm out of it, I witness for myself what the world is truly like (or at least, some of it). Maybe it was just the ppl I surrounded myself w in sec sch luh. Super gd n nice ppl. I love them all :)

I don't feel so gd today. Idk why. I hope things will get better soon Insya Allah.

Hahah just feel so tempted to upload these pics! I've been looking for a watch for like YRS alrdy and finally I found the one for me! It's from Swatch. Ain't it so pretty :) My fave colour some more :) I wna save up for it cus it's $159 I just hope it won't be gone by the time I've accumulated enough :(

And of cos..... my dearest dearest Mng bag tt I fell in love w at first sight on 1/1/2010 when I went on my virgin shopping trip to 313 w Qey! I keep checking if it's still in stock cus I'm waiting for GSS.... It's stupid $99 :(

Man I hate it when I like expensive things. I am so hpy I finally got myself a very pretty white bag from Bugis it's only $10!!! Now left brown bag (eyes fixed on the Mng one) n black bag. I found a black bag tt I like (finally) on eBay. Hehe I like gg on eBay cuz my mum pays for the stuff :P I try to refrain tho, I dun like taking advantage of my own mother :(

Well tt's all for now bye bye! XOXO! Hehe :)

everlasting?

2010-04-23T00:33:00.007+08:00

I am happy today. I was happy ytd. And the day before that. :)

But smtimes I rly wonder if I deserve to be this happy. So I've had hard times, esp recently, but smhow I still think it's like too gd to be true. We shall see I guess. I'd like to believe tt things will go well (Insya Allah), but at the same time I dun wna hope for too much.

we found ourselves a home

2010-04-22T00:51:00.009+08:00

It's been 3 days since I became an official student of Ngee Ann Polytechnic. And I ttly love it :) SRSLY THO, I THINK NP IS SMALL!!!! Rly. I've been to 3 camps, and by the 2nd day of sch I can say I know abt 70% of the whole place alrdy. Not bad right!!! Yah. A lil disappointed tho tt most of the eateries are non-halal :( But I like the fact tt it's small cuz I get to bump into ppl :O)

Anw, how awesome have these 3 days been!!! But kinda tired uh. I'm kind of in a situation you see :\ So there's been quite a bit on my mind. But I thk Allah for my friends, cus they make me feel so awesome! I ♥ T06, TT21, Arceles, Mongols (performers only tho.. sry), Hersheys, and all the random friends I accidentally made from nowhere :P

MEET [some of] my TT21! (the 2nd n 3rd row one)
Yay we all bought & wore the NP shirt tgt!! :D
I feel kinda bad calling the guy "uncle" :S

I CANNOT WAIT TO JOIN NPOB (Outward Bounders) LIKE OMGOSH I HOPE IT'LL BE FUN. But I wna join Astronomy and Ninja-do and Environmental Rangers too :( There's a AOC coming up from 30 Apr to 2 May Idc if I'm not rly joining Astronomy (cus the meeting's every Fri same as NPOB :() I wna gooo!!!!! Gosh I am srsly addicted to camps. I just love them so much la. They're like mini-vacations and it's like, it's like.... oh it just makes you appreciate what you have la. Your bed, your friends, your health... you know, stuff like that. Yup. :)

It'll all get better in time

2010-04-14T03:20:00.007+08:00

I don't rly know exactly what's been getting me down these days. I guess it's just one of those days....

Been watching Reversal Of Fate and oh man I feel so sry for Taemin and Namju I hope they'll both find love one day. Haven't been happy all their life. If I knew them personally, srsly I wld want to be there for Namju. And as for Taemin... I think I wld rly fall in love with him haha. Idk lah, ever since I was young, I've always had this thing for those characters who are emotionally scarred or knew what hardship was. Esp the guys. Cus it's like... wow you're a real man. Idk lah!!! But I'm not a saddist k :(

And even tho I'm STILL at episode 9 of Hime-chan no Ribbon, cus I can't find the other eps on the net, I've learnt so much from it and I rly adore the characters. Esp Himeko. I guess cus I can rly relate to her insecurities... like I feel exactly the same. Like she had always admired her older sister cus she's so beautiful and intelligent and ladylike and everything. Whereas she was a tomboy. So yeah. She had a crush on her drama senior who's like handsome, intelligent and a proper gentleman. But as expected, he fell in love with her older sis instead. Poor Himeko! So she was crying and said, "Of course he wld like her. Why wld anyone like a girl like me? I'm not even a real girl."

And yeah. Stuff like that. But I love Himeko. Everyone wld, I think. Because she rly is more of a girl than most other girls because she's so kind and genuine and naive. Yeah. She'll be appreciated soon enough. By a guy who's more suited for her anw! And tt guy is actually very very cute too :) He's a troublemaker in sch, and Himeko hated him at first. He didn't like Himeko much at first too, cus she was such a tomboy. But soon after, he sees what a cute girl Himeko is and starts to like her. Himeko also finds out tt he's actually a very sweet and caring guy towards his baby brother, and starts to like him too. And yeah. Tt's all I got to see. Stupid internet :(

So yah. Main pt is, I also dun feel like I'm a real girl at times. More so now tt I'm in poly. Cus my hair's forever in a mess and I can be quite loud and all, so yeah I'm not demure at all. Like I am so not a "chio bu". But I do know that at least I'm more sincere than a lot of other girls. And I'm also more reserved in a way, but what's hard is tt not many ppl can/will see tt. But it's okay. I believe tt someday, Insya Allah, somebody will appreciate me. I don't wna feel like a fool anymore. I don't wna always be at the losing end of the line. I don't wna be living in my own world and cheating my own feelings all the time.

And... I don't wna feel bad abt myself anymore.

My fave song whenever I'm feeling down :') Idk, I just think it's so full of hope. I ♥ Leona Lewis. Sis flying off tmr night Insya Allah! Fri to Sun BIT FOC! Hope it'll be fun. Hope I'll meet nice ppl. Even if I don't (God forbid), at least there's tt meeting with my Hersheys on Sun! I'm like so despo la pls. Willing to go straight after my camp. Ahaha. I just feel like I need a nice chat and just be ard gd friends. Had another dream abt 1st day of sch! 1st time I got lost, cldn't find any of my coursemates, and this 2nd time I was late. AHHH MAKES ME NERVOUS!!!!

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I rly didn't know

I cldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

It's gna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time

I'm gna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time.

things are evolving

2010-04-11T00:39:00.008+08:00

They rly are. So many things have happened this past few mths, things tt have rly made me grew up a lil bit older. I won't say em all, but I will say this: everything happens for a reason.

"What has passed you by was not to befall you; and what has befallen you was not to pass you by." I can't rmb which surah or hadith it is, but yah. I read it on the I LOVE ALLAH pg. I love it so much :)

You know lately ppl have been very nice to me. As in, they're very sweet and thoughtful and kind and all those. It touches my heart, it rly does. When ppl are nice to me... my gosh I just feel so soft inside you know? Even those very normal things tt most other ppl wld overlook, I appreciate them a lot.

But tt's also my weakness, I realize. I'm like too naive or smth, ppl say. Like I trust ppl too much? Tt's why I've been trying my best to be very unaccepting and pessimistic and cynical and all that. But obvsly I failed, and agn and agn I let myself get too attached to ppl and then they leave... and I feel a small part of me is missing :(

I hate feeling like a fool. Being in my own world, thinking things are better than they actually are... then I get a hard slap of reality. Oh well. I'm rly trying to stop being "sensitive" as Stella says or "devoted" as Wen Jie puts it cus I think it's a burden to ppl. Like they hafta take care of my feelings and all. But it's okay, I can take it when they hurt me. I just dun wna trouble them tt's all. Hahah. Many ppl have told me I care too much abt other ppl and shd think abt myself more. But it's like what to do, I'm happiest when I see ppl happy.... Anyway I often feel like I'm undeserving of happiness cus of the things I've done in the past.... Haha ya well.

Maybe tt's why ever since I started babysitting my cousin's children (3 yr old boy & 7 mth old twin girls) in February, I feel so attached to them. Cus I see so much hope in them. They're so pure. I look at them, and they stare at me back. I carry them, and they play with my shirt (they get heavy after a while tho). I talk to them, and they smile or even laugh. I give them milk, and they fall asleep. I love them a lot. I always feel the need to visit them often, cus I dun want them to forget me. But you know what? They haven't so far. The last time I came over, they recognized me. Insyirah even rmbred the lullaby I always sang to her. And she was only 6 mths old then! It gives me suchhhh a warm feeling when ppl rmb me. And she's soo young she can't even talk/crawl yet! Makes it all the more sweeter :')

Then there's the ppl I met from NPSU FOC camp. Haha I was so SO excited for the camp, but even then I thought it wld only be gd while it lasted. I didn't wna be so optimistic you see. And now, now it's over, things are even better. ♥ Haha it's like winning Grand Prize in Lucky Draw during Grad Night huh. I wanted to win something, like from the bottom of my heart, but I only expected to get like some random prize. Then in the end I won 1st. I cldn't believe it. I guess it's best to be optimistic but not expecting too much :)

So yeah. I do not wna talk abt the depressing things tt happened. To sum it up tho, it's just tt I always find myself liking ppl (way) more than they like me. But it's okay. I'm used to it. Anw it's a humbling experience and sides it makes the ppl who do appreciate me as much as I appreciate them all the more special :)

I love everybody, I love my 6A1 and KPS friends, my 2D friends (KY, Nicole they all), my ELDDS friends, my random schmate (KSS) friends, my Hermes Hersheys friends and my BAOC performer friends :) Well tt's all the friends I have lol :P OH YA and my random online friends too! Whom I've nvr met in real life :P

Shall paste just some photos tt I rly like a lot and mean a lot to me :)

HERSHEYS!

6A1 KIDZ!

ELDDS!

QEY & WARAH!

KER YUAN & AUDREY!
LIANA!
NADZ!
NADIA!

A Day in SA/Stationery Shopping W The Mother

2010-03-18T02:33:00.002+08:00

I HAVE THESE ENTRIES TO POST. OH AND THE STUFF FROM XANGA TO MOVE. AND THERE'S *STILL* TT RM TO CLEAN. AND THE HARRY POTTER BK TO READ. AND THE LAPTOP CASE TO FIND. THE RED C.O TOP TO BUY. THE HAIR TO CUT. THE FATS TO LOSE. THE BABIES TO VISIT (♥). THE HP PLAN TO GET. THE VOUCHERS TO USE. THE PAY TO COLLECT. THE JOB TO APPLY. THE DRAMAS TO WATCH.

I AM SO HAPPY TT I'M BUSY BUT LIKE NONE OF THESE ACTIVITIES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO W STUDYING WOO I FEEL SO GROWN UP :)

back/collect baby @ NP

2010-03-17T03:02:00.012+08:00

Hello! I just moved back to Blogger cus it's kind of troublesome to change templates in Xanga and I was getting sick of mine. K since I'm *sort of* in a new place, I shall make a resolution: To be less wordy/long-winded as possible!!!! Even I get tired of reading my own entries. My eyes become like @@, thus.

So on Sat 13/3/10 (oh my God I just realized it now - on this date, 3 yrs ago, my Yayi (grandpa) passed away. I still cry abt him now and then. Dear God, pls ans my prayers and forgive his sins as well as Daddy's too. Pls take gd care of them, pls let them be in a gd place.)

So ya. On that Sat Nad & I went to NP to get our laptops! She got a normal Mac which I'm still envious of and I got a Fujitsu Lifebook SH560W hehe I'm happy cus it's glimmery white, lightweight and just pretty :) I named her Rei. Which means many gd things, like 'lovely' and 'beautiful'. I love my baby.

As we entered the CC, a 2-eyed man greeted us. He was wearing blue & green contacts but it actually doesn't look too weird cus his dark skin tone and light brown hair makes it look exotic in a way? Idk. Anw he and his friend laughed at me when I told them I purposely chose Biz IT cus I cld confirm get my own laptop only to find out tt every single course save for Nursing requires one. Am I nooby? Everybody's been laughing at me a lot these days. Everyone. I'm not too proud of myself for it, cus it's not like I'm the joker. I'm just the joke. And tt makes me a loser :(

Anyway, during laptop shopping, my left Havaianas strap came off and I had to walk ard with one naked foot. Hahah used to it lah after SingFest tt time I ran down Fort Canning hill/crossed the rd/climbed the overhead bridge/walked in 7-Eleven barefooted and nth bad happened :) BUT after I reached home and finished bathing, just as I was walking to my dresser to get my clothes........ YOUCHH. My long-lost pink star earstud planted its whole self into my sole. It hurt more when I was tryna pull it out :'( I thought it looked kinda cool actually and wanted to keep it but then who on earth's gna look at the bottom of your feet for cool piercings right?!? I took a pic of it but I think it's lost what a waste :(

HAHAHAH I like, totally went off-track. Well tt's me for you. Dun talk to me unless you have a few hrs to spare. So ya the super nice NP girl helped to tape it for me and it's as gd as new now thanks senior! :) Withdrew money and had such a fat stack of $50 and $10 notes it cldn't fit into my wallet so I had to put it in my pencil box and guard it with my life. Paranoia!!! Nad on the other hand had 2 $1000 notes. My gdness I had nvr seen a $1000 note beforee it's purple and huge. I felt an urge to tear it. Smbody tie my hands up.

Then after we were done we went to the camp booth and 2-eyed man looked happy to see us :) Saw Izmir there it was kind of awkward but oh well. 2-eyed man and this Korean-looking one helped to distract me so thanks to you guys too. They were so kind to let me forge my mum's signature haha. I have nice seniors. :) I just hope I get into the camp, I love camps like crazy! But the campers are chosen through balloting. Only the 500 lucky ones get to go. I sooo hope to go. Insya Allah Insya Allah. I'd rather be able to go to this camp than win Grand Prize at the Grad Nite Lucky Draw. Srsly. Who needs a Wii anyway. (In my defence, the games are so ex!! Plus it eats up electricity. Save the Earth, yo!)

We were waiting for 184 and a man sent us a blind lady and told us to help her get on her bus 151/151E. So we waited. Missed our bus but tt's ok. I started chatting with her. She's a pleasant person to talk to :) So I started complaining to her abt my work and in the middle of my rant our bus came twice. The 2nd one was right in front of her 151, so we cld've catch it if we just told her to walk straight but me having a big heart (chey) I walked her all the way up into the bus. So yeah me and Nad had to wait another... very long time for the next 184. Oh well it's always nice to be able to help someone :)

I hope to see her agn. She works at NP sometimes for the programme "Walk In The Dark" and haha I plan to go there someday with my crush/bodyguard Insya Allah. No it's not weird it's romantic okay! Cuz it's dark I can just "accidentally" walk into him and stuff you know ;) Sides, the ppl who'll guide us through the tour are blind so it won't be uncomfortable what. It may even be too comfortable if you know what I mean ;) Ahahaha I'm just kidding. Or am I? ;)

Alright tt shall be all for now it's almost 5am my gdness shall leave you with a lovely picture of me holding a $1000 note hehe are you jealous???? :P

P/S: Obvsly I didn't exactly stick to my resolution did I. This post is like wordy like crazy. So sry yah. It's a hard habit to kick :(

genius.

2010-03-16T14:48:00.003+08:00

Great, I spent the last 2hrs editing my template until it was all beautiful. Blogskins, colour codes, cbox, font html, everything. I even lovingly rewrote my profile and what I love until so nice. I was so proud of it. Now the battery died and I lost everything. Irritating like crazy. I want to go crazy. Crazy crazy crazy. Then ytd I transferred pics from my mum's comp to the thumbdrive I did 'Cut' then Paste instead of 'Copy' then Paste then the thumbdrive went crazy and all the data is lost. All my pretty pretty pictures I saved of pretty dresses/shoes/colours/Alexis/Nichkhun/Lee Min Ho all gone agh @#$%^&*. Pls excuse me. I am rdy to be a siao cha bor right now. Escape while you still can.

@#$%^&*

Finally I have photographic memories

2009-12-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

Finally I can upload photos - yay! But now it's like, there's so many I don't know what to post first. So let's just start with my hair hehe. I didn't like my curly hair (hate, really) last time cus sometimes they look like this......... (haha I rmb Emilia and Quraisya LOLing when they saw it) (Even I had a "WTH" expression on my face here)

But now it's starting to look like this:

So with a little serum and styling and letting it be a little longer, I will start to appreciate my hair for the first time in my life. Yay for self-esteem

Next, I really miss this little girl! Well she's not exactly little she's about my height but she has a smaller butt than me so

Hahaha she looks soo focused hor? WRONG! I told her to pose like that, actually she super slack one. We saw Nafiis and Faris there, and she was so excited she intentionally walked past them! Haha pushing the blame. I actually told her to hehe. Sorry Nadia. But hey you agreed to it, I didn't force you! I know you secretly wanted to do it anyway, so might as well right. Cus they're friends of someone that starts with the letter R~ Haha kidding later your boyfriend jealous

But really, if each of us were to have each of them, I shall of course take Nafiis hehe, Nadia Ryan, Quraisya Faris (I know she secretly likes him. He only said the word 'ages' and she laughed a little too hard... ade makna tu ). Anyway they would make a cute number 10 if they walked tgt. HAHAAHA. Liana take Hafiz je la hor

Hehehe. She is such an auntie, suchhh a mak cik! I can't believe I haven't seen her since ELDDS Camp. What happened I thought we were supposed to go to the beach to hunt for my bodyguard I hope we can go out tgt at least ONCE this holidays.

Last of all.... is this girl who cannot wait to get married and be a housewife. Just look at the photo! A proper mother. Hehe actually is me who has that ambition. But I think she also secretly wants it too! Oh my friends and their little secrets... gotta stop being in denial k, must be more honest with yourself

Ignore the hungry Shazlin in the background. Hehehehe. I love all of you guys! I've never shown so much of myself to anyone as to the 3 of you. Mean so much to me. Maybe I'm not at the top of your lists, but you are in mine. Well other than my ever-elusive bodyguard heehee. Never disappear from my life okay? Insya Allah

The 4 blind mooshkas go overseas w/o their mother!

2009-12-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

Well you know I really would love to post pictures up, but this laptop is Windows 2000 and it can't detect my camera. (Just found out that Xanga does have sad/bummed emoticons. Slow) So anyway things I must mention!!!

1) There was a tee in The Reject Shop that had the label BERSHIKA!!! And it's a cute tee, it has a picture of a big fat hamburger and the slogan read "Hamburger Fear" (I think... not sure, too focused on the Bershika)

2) Portuguese Chicken Chop Rice thing is suuper nice. The sauce is like *muah* Perfecto! I can't remember the name of the place it looks like Toast Box... all I know is that there was a black underwear happily hanging on the 2nd floor hahah that was funny.

3) There was a tee that cheated our feelings. We thought it said "Thank You For Being Sad" and wanted to get it straightaway but as we got closer it was actually "Thank You For Being Rad" so disappointing.

4) My sister drives like a guy and that is a good thing! Everyone hates women drivers. It was so scary yet exhilerating cus for one thing we were overseas. Johor is a scary place to drive (mat rempits, offensive driving, no speed meter!!). She was using her friend's car cus he flew back to Penang already. There were no parents/adults (my brother n sister are considered adults but they're still students so it doesn't count). Last and most important of all.... she doesn't have a license. Shhhh.

5) This is a very lame as in whatever and not funny joke:
"Before they founded Mt. Everest, what was the tallest mountain in the world?"
There were answers like Mt. Fuji, Kinabalu, Bukit Timah and Genting Mountain, oh and of course my sister's boobs HAHAHAH. In the end guess the answer.....
"Mt. Everest. It's just that it wasn't discovered." WTH.

6) My sister (older) got a pixie cut and it's sooo cute! She doesn't look like a boy at all she reminds me of Fo from ANTM. I love Fo and Allison they're very cute

7) I love Malaysian label Somerset Bay. It's a bit like Accessorize but more Asian and less downy. There's a dress that was the prettiest I've ever seen and it was at 60% off!!! Too bad I was broke I can't wait for someone to buy my Wii so I can go back and buy it

8) I ate dinner at El Migo's (couldn't stop thinking about Quraisya and her "little nacho" and "papi" ahahah it haunts me) and it was nicer than expected. I recommend (Y). The servings are very generous not to mention delicious but my favourite part was that we got to sit in the canopy thing! It's like how the Japanese and Koreans dine so I dunno where's the link since they serve Mexican food.

9) A&W @ Bukit Indah is very stingy. They don't even have choice of ice-cream or syrup flavour! And the curly fries so little the burgers so flat.

10) The taxi driver was so greedy. They never follow the meter. It was supposed to be RM6 but he pressed something and it became RM8. My brother gave him a RM10 note so he returned the RM2 change. But then he asked for RM1 back, just because we put ONE SMALL AND EMPTY luggage bag in his trunk. He didn't even turn on the air con. I mean if you want to overcharge at least don't ask for money back after you give it to someone that's just rude. My poor sister had worse experiences - one driver locked her in the car until she paid him extra. Like wtf. Advice: When in Malaysia, always choose Chinese drivers. They're more reasonable. Then Indian. Then Malay. *Too* many Malaysian Malay taximen are terrible especially if they paste some pious Islamic sticker on their windshield but they act like that. Like omg if you wanna be a jerk don't freaking paste the sticker and give Muslims a bad name.

Yet another wordy post I'm sorry but I hafta write down a lot so that if I read this again in the future (Insya Allah) I'll remember better. I can't believe it's already Friday I thought it was till Tues/Wed!!! CLEAN ROOM BLOGSHOP CLEAN ROOM BLOGSHOP CLEAN ROOM BLOGSHOP GET A JOB. Bye!

Truth can be stranger than fiction

2009-12-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to get the Zionist/Illuminati fever all over again. Obsession. But my question is, who wouldn't be. I've been dismissed so many times by people, like my aunt and my friends (who were all ), that these are all merely "conspiracy theories". But I knew they were not. The proof is staring at you in the face - even literally sometimes when you're watching the news, MTV, movies, or even when buying a cigarette box. Details, details.

If they weren't real, there wouldn't be such a consistent pattern. When I heard the movie 2012 was coming out, it was... expected. They did Matrix, The Devil's Advocate, The Happening, The Simpsons Movie and so much more already, this 2012 is just another one of the series.

These things are hard to disgest but the thing is the more you take in the more you crave for more. They make you go all at once. (Hahah sidenote: when I said I love using Xanga for the emoticons I wasn't kidding.) And as you can see from the paragraph above, I got a bit carried away. It's scary. But I've learnt to control myself. My mum and brother know about this issue too, but they advise that I don't spend too much time on it because what's most important is still your deen. Your faith. That's what it all comes down to anyway. You and God. Not worldly affairs. Besides, like my brother said, it is better to know yourself than to know your enemy. Wise words. HAHAHAH. Besides, other than verses from the Quran, you should never take anything as absolute truth. Because nothing is perfect. Nothing but God.

Well I'm sleepy now it's nearing 3:30am I shall be off to bed. Insya Allah tomorrow I'll be going to Johor with my 2 sisters and 1 brother we'll be staying overnight at my sister's apartment it's so exciting! But I feel bad for my ma cus that means she'll be spending the night all alone at home for the first time in her 49 years of life. I pray that she'll be safe and that my siblings and I will be safe as well

Till the next time (Insya Allah). (Warah you shouldn't complain about me saying "Insya Allah" too much cus it's never too much cus it's a good thing to say. )

Anyway just FYI on the matter at the beginning. It shouldn't be a priority but it's always good to know things.
http://wakeupproject.com start on The Arrivals or just type "The Arrivals" on YouTube. Peace

Gone were the yesteryears....

2009-12-07T22:43:00.000+08:00

You know we really don't want to feel this way about you. Cus it's wrong. And we can't even say anything about it, we can't hurt your feelings. Cus it's wrong. Please don't make it so hard for us. We know it's been hard for you too but don't take it out on us. Sorry we didn't make things easier for you. Sorry we disappoint you. We're not so great I admit it, but I think that we're at least better than a lot of others. If we remember correctly, you never did anything that got on anyone's nerves before. You were so cool about everything. Now you're just... frantic. Maybe it's not you that's becoming more irritating maybe it's just us that's becoming more irritable. I'm not sure. I just need to drill this into my head: So you're not so great, but at least you're better than a lot of others.

Is it that you're growing old, or is it that we're growing up?

Cookies vs Ice Creams

2009-12-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

Let's see, so far I've written one entry per day since I began. Looks like I'm off to a good start. Great! I feel a bit addicted to this. Maybe I just have a lot to say. Wait. I always have a lot to say. Hahah. But I have a feeling that it's just that I really want to keep in contact with my friends... all of them... I don't have many, but the few that I do have are very nice and I am a nice-people collector. Therefore. Heheh.

OH before I say anything else........ MY 2 SISTERS AND MY AUNT SPOTTED A DOUBLE-CHIN! Noooo. I don't mind people thinking I look a little chinese but a double-chin-ese well that's just too much man. And here I thought that that dark period of my life was over. Those days were tough. Or should I say TAF as in TAF club. I thought I was finally gonna start growing into a beautiful swan...... I guess not. I have to face the fats. I am sad. And I just realised that Xanga doesn't have any sad emoticons. Well then I'll just have to make do with this :(

You know what's cool? I don't know if it's just me or my life or what but I notice that funny links and patterns tend to form sometimes. I wanted to get the LG Ice-Cream phone cus it isn't too expensive and it's kinda cute-lookin with the colours and all. But the interior is ugly like shit. Disappointing. So I looked at other phones.... and I discovered the LG Cookie phone. I like it! Right after that I had to make an important decision between a gelato ice-cream and a Subway cookie (which I just remembered I have one left in my room!! *goes to get it*) (Gosh it's soooo niceee. Dammit why are you so nice! You're contributing to my double-chin ). After taking forever contemplating (as usual) and taking advantage of the free gelato samples, I got the cookies. But what about the phones.

Actually I kind of made up my mind. The interior of the ice-cream phone is just too ugly I can't stand it so now it's a face-off between the cookie phone and the Nokia Supernova 7310. Both are pink! If I get the cookie it'll be another prophecy fulfilled (cheh) if I get the 7310 it'll be SO cool cus then Sufiana and I will have the exact same camera AND the exact same phone!!!! I introduced to her the camera and she the phone. The Nokia's $190 and the LG's $208.

Why Supernova: SO CUTE! I like keypads more than touchscreens cus touchscreens no kick ah when you type. It's Nokia so it's user-friendly. Oh and did I mention that it's SO-OMG-CUTE!

Why Cookie: It's more value for the money cus it has more functions so I can play with it more as compared to Supernova.

Somebody pls help this damsel in distress

It's my job to get a job

2009-12-04T22:41:00.000+08:00

Hi!! I'm here using my mum's computer. Haha as if it's such a big deal that it's worth mentioning, I'm at the dining table approximately 5 metres away from the usual laptop near my room. Well anyway. I please myself easily.

I can't decide if I should work at Tangs or Starbucks or Far East Plaza? I've always wanted to be a cashier... Even if the pay's about $4.50/hr on average. I'd be enjoying myself Let's weigh the pros and cons shall we: (by the way, I've been wondering. My teachers keep telling me that the word 'consequence' is neutral; it doesn't necessarily carry a bad meaning. But then ah, if the 'con' in this case means consequence, which is negative, what does the 'pro' stand for? Prosequence? Since it is talking about a particular sequence of events. Alright I'll stop. My stand is not very substantial. Good thing I never actually raised this question to anyone, I think I'm annoying as it is already )

+ - Pro
x - Con

Tangs.
+ Retail!!
x Lots of customers like omg what if I screw up?!?
+ Veri the hip (and my hips don't lie~)
x Not many cute boys around... Tangs is a woman place.

Starbucks.
x So. many. things. to. memorize. And it doesn't help that I'm not a big coffee fan.
+ Free drink everyday! Yum yum =9
x Grow fat because of the free drinks..... Hmm......
+ Near Orange Julius = Kit Kat Blizzard! If I work at Wheelock Place
Near New Look, Zara, Topshop, Bershka (:D) etc If I work at ION

Far East Plaza.
+ Not as crowded as Tangs or Starbucks
x Quite ulu... can't see my friends most probably! :(
+ Can go shopping straightaway after payday

Well, that's about it. I can't wait to start working, both me and my kakak are looking for jobs! Strange as it sounds, it's easier for a 16 year old secondary school student to get a job than a 23 year old medical student. Poor sis. But yay me. Hehehe.

I really am excited to start working. For one thing I get to be out of the house. But then, I won't get to go out with my friends as often as I would like to, and I won't get to do my anime-marathons. The anime thing is okay actually cus I can still watch them even when I start schooling again (Insya Allah). Revamping my room, learning to cook and sew also can be done over the weekends so yeah it shouldn't be too bad. Besides, I would be able to pay off my debts, update my wardrobe and stuff. OH YEAH speaking of wardrobe I forgot I have a blogshop! Well then, that's another thing to do on my list. Once again I have to sort out the mountain (literally) of clothes and decide what to keep and what to sell off. Take photos. Upload. Advertise. Gosh my holidays are busier than my school life. Haha maybe it's because I was soo inactive last time. Oh well. I like the way things are right now. It makes the days feel longer and more fulfilling. I hope something nice will happen someday.

McFLY

2009-12-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

I can't stop digging the way you make me feel......

Everytime I listen to McFly and/or watch a video of them, I get tingles in my stomach. I'm not obsessed over them anymore, so how come I still feel this way? I guess, I really really like them a lot. And I'm happy I do. They're so talented and more importantly they're so lovable. I really hope I get to meet them someday

Haha. I never expected that I would start off my very first post with McFly. Oh well. It's a happy topic. Anyway, I want to make sure that I don't make myself think so much when I write. Cus that's when my thoughts get so disorganized and end up cancelling each other out. Besides, I'm only starting to blog publicly again because I want to be more honest with myself, keep myself on track and be connected with my friends. If I don't write in a constructive manner, how on earth are my friends (and even myself ) supposed to understand anything? Hence, I shall keep things simple. And... end this post here. Haha.

(I love using Xanga cus of the emoticons! Yes it's a lame reason but it's true )

Psst, by the way, I'm so glad I don't feel like this anymore! "Everyday feels like a Monday..." But I just feel like pasting these lyrics cus 1) I enjoy doing so 2) I think it compliments an entry and 3) I like feeling sorry for myself haha loser much.

Everyday feels like a Monday,
There is no escaping from the heartache,
Now I gotta put it back together,
Cus it's always better late then never.

Parallel, parallel, become my honest self.

2009-11-29T02:29:00.005+08:00

Whoaaaa. So many things have happened I can't remember I sat for my last O Levels paper just 2 weeks ago. There isn't much to be told, well at least for now. I'll open up more after I get my results in January. Right now I'm just embracing the last time I'll be like this anymore. I want to be more honest. And..... more assured in what I what. I just don't want to not know anymore. So things around me have helped in organizing my thoughts and making me think clearer. I have God to thank for that. As for now, I'll leave things as it is. If it's like for real, I shouldn't be having so many doubts. And yet, I just might. I don't know. Yes. I still don't. Anyway, what will be, will be.

Goshh I'm seriously hooked on Akazukin Chacha and Hime-chan no Ribbon. I just like how there's always something you can infer from animes? There's always those openings. I just like how the characters are just true to themselves. I should learn to be the same too, ne? :)

Life Is Beautiful.

2009-11-18T00:20:00.009+08:00

I am still feeling the excitement of life right now! Yesterday I went cycling till about 7.30pm after rehearsal from 10am to 4pm and today I reached home at about 7.45pm from swimming, rehearsal was 9am to 4pm then went window-pet-shopping till about 4.45pm? Tomorrow's rehearsal is from 10am to 8pm oh my God. Then Thursday there's Red Camp from 8am to 10.30pm and Friday the show.. 10am to about 9pm? The weekend there's the white clutch hunt and the post-office for Mum's Qurans and everything. Ahhh. Oh man I sure hope I don't grow pimples at this time... And you know what's super cool? MILEY TURNS 17 ON MY GRAD NITE! November 23rd. And Dougie 22 on my Grad Show - Nov 20th. So cool! But they seem so old. Only yesterday Miley was 14 and Dougie 18... where did the years go...

Anyhoo, I'm super in love with this advertisement. It's the nicest non-funny one I've seen in a long, long time. That and a bit of the Far East Organization ones (not the "We inspire we inspire".) Another one that really swayed all of my heart was that DBS bank commercial years and years and years ago. Life is beautiful....

FOUND IT! YES! My fave part is when the couple were on the white boat. My gosh, just watching them makes me feel so free already. If I was on the boat itself... wow that must be one of the best feelings ever.

Grad Nite :)

2009-11-17T01:23:00.006+08:00

Yes well, I can't help it, Grad Nite has been occupying 99.98% of my mind right now.. The others are Grad Show, Red Camp, getting a job, and my to-do list. Haha. I don't know why, I just LOVE fashion so much! For the sole fact that it pleases the eyes. I'm not particular about style or trends.. if it looks nice, it's nice. If not, then it never will be. Like songs. A good song is a good song, no matter what genre it is. Rock, pop, jazz etc. Maybe that's why I often find myself being overdressed/underdressed when I go out. Plus I've been blind to my own appearance when I bought stuff for myself so when I wear them out I get stares.... Thank goodness I realised it already so now my purchases are suitable for my body-type/face/hair colour/skin tone/age yada yada. It's great cus now I can limit my spending! :)

I am so happy I got my dress. :) Shimmery grey/silver knit dress, grey-gold butterfly belt, white heels, gold hoop earrings and (to get) white clutch. :) What makes me even happier is that one of my best friends chose it for me. Thanks, Warah :) And I'm happy also that she's happy for me too and feels responsible for my happiness. OK too many happies in one paragraph.

Now I'm just wondering for my hair and make-up. I'm definitely straightening my hair, but don't know yet what to do with it afterwards. Make-up will be LOADS of mascara and some nude lipgloss I guess and a stroke of eyeliner. Just a teeny-bit. YA LA foundation is obviously understood already I know my skin isn't so pretty shut up. OK why am I arguing with myself...

I talk to myself. Is that weird? Oh well anyway back to more important matters. So yeah when Warah told me she was wearing silver flats with her reddish dress I lit up cus I know how nice that's gonna be. Now I remember it's cus Miley wore that one time! And she looked so cute. I think Miley looks best with minimal make-up and medium to light-brown straight/wispy wavy hair :) And in sweet modest clothes. I read a bit of her autobiography book at MPH one time and she said one of the differences between her and Hannah Montana is that she doesn't like bright colours. Yay Miles :) I don't know why I feel proud that she doesnt like bright colours but yeah oh well. She looks great with bright colours too though! Like electric blue and hot pink. :) Okay okay enough with my rambling. Let the pictures do the talking :)

This is the one that Warah's combo reminded me of!

Even though Qey isn't a big fan of Miley, I'm sure she'd like this dress.

See, Miley does cover up! She's just experimental that's all.
Really cute shoes by the way! :)

I notice that she likes sequins. No. LOVES.
It would look better with white or grey or silver heels though.

This is my personal favourite one for Miley, it just looks so sweet on her, with her lovely wavy honey coloured hair and all. :)

Miley, Miley, Miley.

I just hope you'll grow up to be a fine lady. You can.
Cus I, and a lot of other people, know that you're not rotten on the inside. :)

Back!

2009-11-13T10:34:00.002+08:00

I just finished my last O Levels paper this morning so I'm BACK! :)

HI! (:

I'm seriously determined to be a better person. Especially now that I'm not a secondary school student anymore and am *sorta* old enough to take on anything. Well of course I still need training. I'm so excited! Things to do:

Learn:
- to cook Nyai's dishes
- to dentify spices and vegetables and fishes and know their names in Malay as well
- Sewing! Clothes and bags
- Web/Graphic design
- Fashion design (actually I just plan to replicate cuts that I like)
- Interior design; the different kinds of wood, colours
- to rollerblade properly
- to swim properly (like floating horizontally and vertically)
- Painting/Colouring (:
- more words
- Arabic; not just reading it
- more science and maths. Yes I do like maths, I just feel lazy sometimes (a lot of times).

Do:
- GET A JOB.
- Update blogshop
- EXERCISE.
- EAT LESS.
- Cycling
- Bake moofins =9
- Have adventures (like exploring new places and getting lost... I doubt many of my friends would want to join me... ugh I need more friends)
- Shopping... when I have the money....
- Watch EVEN MORE TV! Yay Fantastic Max and Captain Planet and Popeye and the old Scooby Doo shows (minus Scrappy of course)! Calling to subscribe to Boomerang was the best thing I've ever done :)
- Watch animes. Akazukin Chacha (never get tired of it :D), Jigoku Shoujo, Shaman King, Bleach (soo.. many.. episodes..), Full Metal Panic!

That is all :)

Goodbye, Kranji Secondary School.

2009-10-16T14:45:00.002+08:00

It was nice while it lasted. I'm just looking forward to being old enough to be able to make things the way I've always wanted them to be. Finally.

2009-09-12T03:29:00.001+08:00

This is the cutest, sweetest little thing. Alexis is so precious. <3

And this is just heartbreaking.

CC.

2009-09-07T01:17:00.004+08:00

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah, for letting me taste the month of Ramadhan. I now have a clear view of what I would like to do in my future. Indeed, Insya Allah. Pharmacist, yes, to put bread on the table; but more a philanthropist/humanitarian ambassador. Because Allah loves more the Muslim who builds his community, than the Muslim who closes himself to solitude.

True enlightenment.

2009-09-04T14:24:00.010+08:00

I know now. I know. Thank you Allah, for showing me the light.

My name is Nurul Huda. Norhadi is my father's name.
Nurul is Light in Arabic.
Huda is Right Guidance in Arabic.

It was in Allah's Will that I was named Huda instead of Nadra (which is Precious/Rare in Arabic) as initially planned, and with an added Nurul in front. It may not be a big deal for most of you but it is to me. I have always felt it most fitting for my soul that I help people. Save them, see them smile. I am a people's person I guess. So it is just so right that my name means about the same thing. No, precisely the same thing. Because there is nothing more enlightening than the Right Path.

You know, I have always thought that I don't look very nice in a tudung/hijab. I guess I'm just vain. And it's typical to see other Malay girls not wearing them too. Just like my own current group of friends. And yet, yet when I see Chinese girls wearing them, black girls, white girls with blue or green eyes wearing them, I see beauty radiating from under that piece of cloth. As average as their features may be, there's just something beautiful about them. I see it now, that it's the inner beauty.

Every religion has a character and the character of Islam is Modesty.

“Do not marry only for a person's looks, for their beauty might become a cause of moral decline. Do not marry for the sake of wealth, as this may become a source of sin. Marry rather on the grounds of religious devotion.”

I feel ashamed that I wear almost-sleeveless tops, low-cut tops, tight-fitting tops, tight jeans, leggings, bermudas, FBTs and all of those stuff. Swimming... don't even talk about that. I can't even swim properly and I wear a 2-piece - a backless halter that forever runs down my back and up my tummy that sometimes I feel like I'm only wearing a bikini top and my skirt isn't much help when I'm in the water it's the same as wearing just panties. My God. And I'm not exactly hot or pretty or whatever, so, what am I tryna do??

I have been having trouble finding my dress for Grad Night, I've been having an internal debate whether I should wear the tudung or not. I saw one I really liked that was a knee-length tube dress, but I don't know why I never got around to buying it. I guess the decision has been made for me, and I am grateful. I might just borrow my sister's Laura Ashley maxi dress and throw on my golden long-sleeved Zara half-cardigan. Insya Allah. If I look funny, it's okay. I am dressed in the way favoured by my Lord. You know I stumbled upon this girl's blog just now while I was googling on the meanings of my name, and it was so inspiring. Added up with the e-mail Amalina sent me, it's empowering. Some of the quotes in this post are from her blog.

I guess I better go now. Asalamualaikum to any Muslim readers who stumbled upon this just like how I stumbled upon Nurul Izzati's one. But a last quote:

"What can my enemies do to me? I have in my breast both my heaven and my garden. If I travel they are with me, never leaving me. Imprisonment for me is a chance to be alone with my Lord. To be killed is martyrdom (death while striving in the way of the Lord) and to be exiled from my land is a spiritual journey."

Oh and since we're on this topic of Light, thought I should show you this video:

May Allah show you the Light [Nurul],
and guide you to the Right Path [Huda].

So I love your smiling face.

2009-09-01T03:10:00.004+08:00

I think we've just grown apart...

Hello earthlings. Haha I've been reading/watching too much McFly lately that I've started talking like Dougie and Tom. Space geeks. I think it's quite fitting that I started spending time with them (haha I WISH. But you get the picture) now that we're all, you know, on our own ways. It's sad, but oh well.

So this has been the first three and a half hours of September, and I've wisely spent it on McFly and Akazukin Chacha videos! :D Well I don't wanna be too hard on myself for now. It's the last few times I'll ever get the luxury till mid-November.

I've decided - I won't worry so much about not getting married by 23, I'll take everything as it comes sahaja :) Not good being too desperate. I scare myself away lol. And. I WANNA BE PRETTY! I'm sick of always being stuck in this awkward stage... I'm a celebrity get me out of here! Hahaha I wish.

I amuse myself. Well it's less than 2 hours till I hafta get up again for Sahur so I'll be on my way. Shall leave you with this song that's close to my heart. It makes my heart smile. Eww, sounds creepy.

Why this is a nice change from my usual emo state. =D

2009-08-30T03:23:00.001+08:00

You'd think I've forgotten about Busted. No I haven't. Not at all :) So last Tuesday when I was checking out Vivocity's F21 I heard Charlie Simpson's voice, and I knew it was him. Soon enough came Matt's and James's voices. Even though I've never heard of "All The Way" before, I knew it was Busted. Yay I got 'em right :D

I think I'm back in the McFly-Busted period. Where nights like tonight I don't sleep at all and just watch McFly and Busted videos... from midnight to breakfast time which is around 7am... video after video after video... music videos, interviews, fan videos... anything about them. Seriously, the more I know about them, the more I like them.

I miss being on MySpace and making friends with other McFly fans, be it Asian or Ang Moh... We're all nice :) I actually kinda enjoyed being the ONLY one with an account... like nobody who knows me knows about my profile.

Hahaha http://www.myspace.com/hoodork :)

I really really miss being a true blue McFly/Busted fan.

2009-08-26T18:50:00.000+08:00

I'm hating maths, and then I see that Piggy's determined to do well in maths. Man, really hits the spot eh? I know he's just an ex-crush. But I like liking my ex-crushes and ex-best friends, in that way that makes you feel like you weren't wasting time on them, that they do have at least SOME substance to SOME extent. Too bad he smokes. Handsome boy. Oh well.

I'm off now. Tomorrow's Malay Prelims. MAY ALLAH BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO ARE TAKING IT!

I miss my grandpa.

Get on your nerves.

2009-08-24T16:53:00.000+08:00

It's hard when you can't love someone you want to love. And it's also hard when you have to love someone you don't want to love.

So please people, do everyone a favour and be lovable? Don't make things hard for us.

Cus that just sucks :(

Orals... Why couldn't it be #69?

2009-08-19T19:03:00.008+08:00

(Oh my God don't get me wrong. #69 just so happens to be my favourite question in the Oral practice booklet. It's about what Marriage means to me, not that other thing..... you corrupted minds)

"Tell me about a time when you were feeling less confident than usual." (Another favourite question from the booklet.)

Uh, now? I don't feel very confident now. I was, or I thought I was, but not now. Maybe someday but not now. I just feel scared now. Worried. Even though I actually don't think that doing poorly for O's is the end of the world, cus I don't mind being poor. I want to be poor. I'm sure you'd be wondering why on earth so, but I don't feel like telling you now. Sorry.

I just feel sad because I didn't do my best just now. I won't comment how exactly I think I performed, but I just know it was a lot lower than my expectations. I'm just so flippant you know? I panic when people ask me questions that require my personal views but I have to address them in a certain way. I mean I'm fine if you give me a script to memorize and act out cus I just vomit out what I swallow, and it's easiest if you ask me questions and I answer in whatever way I feel most comfortable. Don't leave me hangin' in the middle, it sucks :(

I guess the only 2 perks of the day were when I found out I got a Distinction for my Malay Orals (SHOCKER SEH) and um... getting to chat with Gurvin and the other G I (Joe lol) used to have a crush on. Maybe I still do. I don't know. Now that I see he doesn't ignore me, I feel nice and warm again. It's a sweet feeling you know? I don't know. Maybe I just miss the bliss of fancying someone. I don't know.

Our lives are short, the nights are long

2009-08-16T02:03:00.006+08:00

I really like how the days seem longer now. I don't panic so much. I dunno. My mind's been all over the place. Wooo. I'm still a little sad about some things, the same old things, but there are many more things that are making me happy. So it's A-OK :) UP (in 3D!) was very nice. Very, very nice. One of my favourite movies. Such a simple yet cute plot. Mildly funny, and very very sweet. <3 Hahah. It's Saturday night. I haven't really completed any of my homework yet, but I'll make sure I will tomorrow InsyaAllah yea. And some revision too :)

Going shopping makes me crazy. Craziness makes me go shopping. Make me go crazy shopping. It's a never-ending cycle. It makes me dizzy, but weeee so much fun! (3

*twirls around with the bags of happiness*

Lying On The Edge.

2009-08-05T17:53:00.011+08:00

I don't know if it's deliberate or not, or whether I'm thinking too much, but I'll just leave it all to fate. I got reprimanded for lying, and on the same day during English lesson Miss Lee went through the topic of honesty and white lies. It's for our Oral skills and essay-writing. Miss Lee asked us to come up with possible conversation questions and obviously I only had one thing on my mind. So I suggested "Tell me about a time when circumstances forced you to tell a lie." I don't know if she noticed my uneasiness or not, but oh well at least I was contributing to the class. And after that we were preparing for tomorrow's situational writing mock. A proposal. We were going through modal verbs. Was it just me, or did she drag for a fraction of a second too long on the word 'lie' when she said "The decision does not lie with you"?

And that was not the only time. Sometime last year or the year before that I did something (I honestly can't remember what exactly. But hey, you can't take my words seriously right) that hurt my Malay teacher. Then for the following weeks I noticed that every other paper we were doing had comprehension passages about juvenile delinquents. More specifically, students who disobey their teachers. Bull's eye man.

I don't know. Nobody knows. Except God of course. God knows best. As for now, I just hope I won't die before I've reached the stage of being a true Muslim. I'm ashamed of myself. Truly ashamed. I just hope that someday I'd be brave. But you know, things are easier said than done. Especially for a liar. Cus lies are just too easy to tell. Way too easy. Trust me. It's a slippery slope down the road to destruction.

Hell is veiled with tempting things and Heaven is veiled with disagreeable things.

A test of faith. It all comes down to that. That's what life's about. Otherwise, 'life' is just a 'lie' with an 'f' in between. And you all know what 'f' stands for. I believe you do.

I'll end this with a super nice acoustic version of Lies by McFly.

Yours truthfully,
Nurul Huda.

Part-and-Parcel

2009-08-01T13:02:00.001+08:00

It hasn't been great. But that's just the part-and-parcel of life. Parcels. I have something against them now.

This will be the last post you're gonna read from me. Post. Neither do I like that word anymore too. I haven't been receiving my parcels you see. A total worth of $100. It's quite a lot for a girl my age okay.

That's just how it is.

2009-07-27T01:07:00.005+08:00

I... really need to get back in line.

Christian Bale was very handsome when he was younger.
In the Empire of the Sun.

The Climb.

2009-07-17T21:18:00.007+08:00

You can't run away from your past. You can't run away with your mistakes. It'll all eventually catch up with you. You have to settle it. Once and for all. I try to get out of my rut, but the old [rusty] chains I entangled myself in pull me down. I don't mind it though. It's kind of like paying off your debt. I brought it upon myself, and that weight I have to carry.

Only then, can I really say I've started anew.

I embrace challenges. What's life without them. Dull, that's what. Meaningless. Simply meaningless.

I'm sixteen years old now. I've to start being independent.
My mum can't feed and shelter me forever.
I've to start learning to do those for her.
She's growing old.
And me...

I'm growing up.

And The Climb is a big one. So pack up your stuff everyone, and take only what you need.

Change.

2009-07-12T01:07:00.006+08:00

From a website:

People get caught up in words and labels.

Allah will judge who was a good "Muslim" - follower of God’s way in peace - who was struggling to follow the Way, and who was only giving lip service. Only God and time will tell.....
Allah says in the Holy Qur’an Surah 8 Al-Anfal Ayat 53:

"…Allah will never change the condition of a people until they change what is in their [own] souls: and verily Allah hears and knows all things."

I’m looking at the man in the mirror…….

I’m asking him to change his ways….

No message could be any clearer….

If you want to make the world a better place

take a look at yourself and make a change.

(Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror)

You Are Not Alone.

2009-07-11T01:26:00.003+08:00

I am not alone. Why should I feel discouraged by a few remarks? My problems are insignificant juxtaposed with many others'. I guess it was just time to empty that bottle. It can only hold so much. Yeah. And I'm tired of not being tired. I realize that I feel better when I'm exhausted than when I'm lazy or lethargic. It's really all just in the head. Years of idling has carved thought gaps and blanks.

Like now. Hmmp.

Charm

2009-06-28T04:29:00.004+08:00

I'm starting to get more and more aware of this. That charm is really what takes me away. I've always wondered why modern/urban/luxurious homes never appealed to me, but english cottages, kampungs, american country ranches, alaskan/canadian lodges, shophouses, french/spanish/scandinavian designs (you get my point) do. And the reason I find livejournal fashion pretty bland, and how come I sometimes tak terpandang good-looking guys who are shallow. And the because of the why 90's cartoons are classic and I can never get sick of them, no matter how much I've outgrown them. Simple and honest, has an identity, all without even trying. Charm. That's what it is.

Yours sincerely.

2009-06-26T04:55:00.004+08:00

I don't know. I just don't know. (Why have I started saying this an unhealthy amount? Shucks 'The Memory Of Running' book I've been reading has really had an impact on me. Oh Smithy, why are you so charming. As naive and fat you may be)

I'm feeling an immense amount of emptiness right about now. I don't exactly have a proper reason though - there I was sitting around, and then it started. But all's I know is that I have this "rasa rindu yang amat mendalam" if that makes any sense. I miss McFly okay? I guess you can say I'm a pretty big fan. A loyal, die-hard fan. I don't try to be one, I just am. But they really meant a lot to me. The way I love them beats David Archuleta by a clear mile. Or maybe ten miles. Haha sorry David. I still love you by the way. And as for David Cook.. wow McFly you even won David Cook in my heart and that.. man that's something.

No matter how many Favourite Songs Of The Moment I have or how hard I'm hooked to them (like yesterday/today Insomnia by Craig David), I somehow will still come back to something of McFly. The Way You Make Me Feel, Walk In The Sun, Bubblewrap, Lonely, No Worries. And the best, best ones of them all: Point of View (POV) and of course, The Heart Never Lies. Acoustic & Live versions respectively. Legend legend legend.

Haunts me forever.

Shut up man >:-'(

2009-06-20T17:47:00.004+08:00

I'm sick my temperature rises while my tolerance level drops. I hate that I'm feeling so hateful ugh can you please leave me alone isn't it common sense that ill people are quarantined. I feel like slapping your face. If you don't want that to happen, please go away. Spare me from the sin of being hateful and yourself from making me hateful. I don't likeeee this. How I wish I could cycle to the Botanical Gardens or Hort Park and just... be there. Shucks I feel nauseated right now I hope it's just my body and not because of you. Still, do everyone a favour and be less annoying please. Sorry. I sound bitchy here. But... you know you drove me to it. Sorry.

Life's complete with these. (haha)

2009-06-19T01:30:00.005+08:00

*Black Topshop Tie-Back Top
Red Topshop Ruffle Top
Pink Converse sneakers
Red with White Hearts ASOS Purse
Forever 21 Flower Field Top
Nice messenger bag :)
Vintage wash slim cut jeans
Black berms
Pretty pretty earrings ♥
Cute sandals!
Blue Forever 21 Bib Vintage Top

I love books!

2009-06-14T17:38:00.003+08:00

Yes I love books. I love love love books. I itchhh to go to the library and pick up a good book to cuddle up at home with. Yep yep yep :)

I love studying too. It's one of my favourite things to do now. Has always been actually, till sometime in Primary 6... play only. I wonder where I would be right now if I had continued on being a nerd.... Probably in MGS like I wanted... but oh well. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm happy I got into Kranji. :)

I just hope I can get into NJ. But if I don't it's still okay, I can go to RP/NYP/NP and do my Pharmacy there. No problem. :) I just prefer going to a JC cus I like being a student and studying for GPs and wearing uniforms and eating canteen food. It's fun I feel young!

I don't know why I'm saying all this. I want a nice figure and nice hair. Right, shall work for it then!!!!! :D

P/S: I also dunno why I use so many smileys these days. :\ Oh and my abang turns 21 today! Yay! :D

I'm aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivee

2009-06-08T23:08:00.009+08:00

Exercise really, really makes one feel great! I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIVE :D I shall not be fat anymore. Me do not like fat lazy bums. And I do not want to not like myself right? So I shall change to be a fit energetic (uhh give me another word for bum? BUTT?) backsidekick. Yeaaaah. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. =)

I am happy. I am a happy bunny. I like bunnies. I like the new MSN bunny emoticon ('.') So cute! I love the bunnies at the 5th floor. I love happy. Happy is love. I love love. Whaaaat? I make no sense at all, sorry :)

I just feel so fresh, yanno? I feel like I'm ready. I don't exactly know for what though, but I just feel ready. And feeling ready feels nice. And nice is nice. Ok you know where I'm going with this. Stoppp Huda STOP.

I just hope that with me being happy I can help other people be happy too, cus being happy gives such a happy feeling, and that's nice and you know that nice is nice and ahh I HAVE GOT TO STOP THIS. I just think that everybody deserves to be happy, at least for just a moment. I just don't wanna hurt anybody anymore like I did in the past. No I will not go back there.

Kuharap ku dapat memegang erat pada benda-benda kesayanganku, ku tidak terlepaskan apapun. Dan kuingin dapat membuat seseorang gembira, tanpa terselindungi yang lain. Kuhanya mahu semuanya bahagia. Termasukku sendiri. Aku tidak mahu rasa kesal(ah)an akan kelakuanku lagi.

i miss you dad.

2009-06-07T14:29:00.006+08:00

What can I do? I am your daughter after all. I may not forgive you for all that you've done to my mother and everyone else, but I still love you. I dreamt of you last night.. it wasn't a very nice dream though. Not at all. And some time this June it will officially be our 1 year anniversary.. our 1 year anniversary of absolutely no contact. Where are you dad? How are you today, yesterday and tomorrow? Please stop your bad habits and be a good husband to your wife okay? Every woman needs a nice man to take care of her. I hope someday I'll find a man like that too. You told me I definitely would, remember, at the void deck? All I can say to that is if it's in God's Will, dad. But I sure hope so. =)

Just like how I sure hope I'd somehow get a confirmation that you're indeed alive and well. I'd feel so much better then. But for now, I'm going downstairs to nyai's house to eat. Mum asked me if I wanted her to suap me. I won't get that kind of treatment once I'm married. I don't care if I'm sixteen or not. I want to still feel like a child, so I'll know how to treat mine when the time comes. I've not been a very good daughter to both of you parents, I know that, but Insya Allah I'll come back to the sweet, pretty, kind, clever and pious one you have always hoped for me to be. Love you both, signed your furthest daughter, me. XOXOXO

under the weather.

2009-06-07T12:56:00.001+08:00

I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I don't want to think it's cus it's that time of month again, because I don't like to blame my body for the way I feel. I love my body, it has protected me and withstood all the stupid things I have done. I actually feel bad that I've been neglecting it, it deserves to look good but because I always feel too lazy or too tired or too sad or whatever that I don't keep fit. Same goes for my face and my hair and my toes. See, it's not my body's fault. It's my own. Yes I have those moments, I have my phases, I'm sorry if it has affected anyone else's mood. I do try to keep it to myself for that reason, but sometimes I feel so sorry for myself that I let it be exposed for all the world to take pity on me. Shit, why do I always feel sorry for myself? I don't even deserve that. It's like I'm forgiving myself for the mistakes I've made and telling myself it's okay. I have no right to do those - only God does. He knows best after all. Who am I to just decide that I could pass my own test? Huda, it's June. Enough is enough. I have no time to tend to my feelings anymore. I'm sixteen, I should be able to control them by now. I used to be so good at that when I was younger, what happened to me?

What happened to me... why have I allowed myself to turn out for the worse.. when I knew I deserved so much better.

let me gooo. (david archie!)

2009-06-03T16:11:00.006+08:00

What's so hard about being nice? Isn't it a drain of energy to hate. Don't people find it tiring? Respect and love. It's so easy. Or just ignore. Life's easier that way.

I love peaceful songs. I love peaceful ties. I love peaceful places. I love peace. On the contrary though, I just absolutely love pre-storm weather. It never fails to make me happy. (:

Miss Lee smacked me in the head just now cus we were supposed to construct sentences using modal verbs and the topic was Math Formulae so I made up

Girls + Money will boost the economy.

Can someone tell me what's wrong with that? It has the word "will" and it even has a plus sign what. It even rhymes! :( Child abuse sey Miss Lee. Oh right. I'm not a child anymore. I am 16 years old. ^^

endless love.

2009-06-02T22:43:00.011+08:00

After listening to Endless Love by Danny Gokey, I think that I really might not mind so much about looks. I actually teared a few times, this is most definitely my favourite song of the moment. And I'm sure it will stay that way for quite some time. This, and Falling Slowly by Kris Allen. How sweet, both of these guys are married. Danny though, oh poor Danny, he's already a widower. I don't know.. but never in my life have I felt so much emotion in a song. Like, deep emotion not ra-ra-feeling-feeling kind. I just know, that Danny sang from the bottom of his heart. He's handled everything (Sophia's death, the criticism) so well, I admire him so much for that. Such loving people. Jerks are a waste of time. I dislike jerks. I love people who are nice :)

I'm so happy that I know what I want now. It gives you such a wonderful feeling, you know? Like you have a clear view of things. Insight, you know? Of course I don't just mean Love, but like career-wise and you know, all that kind of stuff. I'm through being a loser kid. I wanna grow up proper, like a real lady. An upright Muslim woman. It's definitely gonna take some time, but I believe, in God's will, I can get there. =)

2009-06-01T21:03:00.001+08:00

It's time to be a layday. YES!

If I were a boy... (lol)

2009-05-31T17:40:00.007+08:00

I realize that I tend to like girls who look like this.

Lily Allen!

Katy Perry.. well maybe sometimes

Zooey Deschanel (from The Happening)

Hilary Duff

Leighton Meester (from Gossip Girl)

Rachel Bilson (from The OC)

Katie Holmes

Pretty/cute girls. Not gorgeous, but pretty & cute.
All have long brown hair. Big eyes.
Anime too! These are my 2 favourite girls of all time :)

Ukyo Kuonji (from Ranma 1/2)

Ruriko Ikusawa (from Gatekeepers)

If only I were a boy. Lol.

Kembali bersama.. bukan niatku

2009-05-30T15:16:00.007+08:00

Haha I really am surprised that there are people who read my blog. My blog is so... reader-unfriendly. Haha. Oh well.

I can't stop staring at Aliff here. He's not that cute (when he frowns he looks like Cody Linley eww), but he makes me think. Haha first time I ever heard that. I don't think anyone stares at a handsome guy and thinks about serious things. I guess he just looks like some other people I know. I dunno. I just wonder why I always find myself really really liking people who have those kind of features. Since I was 2-3 years old. OHMYGOD EARLY PUBERTY ALERT! 4 years old I was so depressed with my little sister that I didn't want to be my mum's daughter anymore and went to live with my aunt's family for 3 days. I didn't even want to go home actually. 5 years old I became slightly anorexic and didn't eat or drink cept when I couldn't take it anymore. Haha I remember those days. I was like a teenager before I even graduated kindergarten.

So I guess age really is just a number for me. I can be dead-serious and all philosophically one day and bimbotic and act-cute the next. I have never been very influenced by my age, so right now I feel like I'm stupider than when I was 8. I'm double the age but half the intellect. Aww man I really let external factors get to me. Huda why are you bagai unta menyerah diri? Now you have nothing to write for your testimonial. Shucks if I can't get into NJ I know I've really done it. :(

2009-05-28T19:41:00.005+08:00

Wow. It feels so weird to be writing in English again. So.. asing. Foreign. Macam jadi bahasa keduaku pulak. Hehhhhh, malay intensive is so much fun! It's the best. I feel like they're family. I'm gonna miss my class a lot. I'm already feeling sad that tomorrow would be like the last day of doing assignments. I dunno, they just put a smile on my face. Haha. Big goofy grin to be exact. Insyaallah we can all ace the O's. :)

I can't decide to be happy or sad :( A lot of things are cheering me up, but the few depressing things just bring me back down. I guess it's quite a good thing, cus it's not very good to keep your head up in the clouds - you can't see straight. So, yeah, I'm down-to-earth now. Pun intended. :)

Anyway, this is what I told Warah when she said

"I'm kinda down."
"Then get up lah"

So it just makes perfect sense that I should follow my own advice huh! No matter how corny they are. (Haha Seeds of Deception book)

I just want to study hard and do well.

P/S: I don't like that boy anymore. I dunno, I just decide not to.

2009-05-25T17:23:00.002+08:00

It's been a rojak of different feelings all together these past few days.

You see I've waited all my life
For this moment to arrive
Now finally, I believe.

There's this boy I like that looks like a cross between Lee Hom and Aliff Aziz, only blacker and cuter lol. =) Aliff Aziz looks like a cross between my cousin and David Archuleta, and David Archuleta a cross between Mr Benny Lim (sometimes haha) and and uh.. somebody I can't remember right now. Chace Crawford looks a bit like Dougie Poynter. David Cook just looks like David Cook. =) Andrew Cook tho, looks a bit like Matt Willis. I'm just gonna add Brad Pitt and Pete Wentz here to complete the list so that I can say:

Haha everyone in the above paragraph is CUTE!!!!! Cept for maybe Andrew lol sorry =P

2009-05-20T20:17:00.003+08:00

There could be so much more,
To what my life may have in store.
I'll move from where I began,
Keep on pressing through to the end.

A whole lot has changed,
And that includes myself.

So I don't lose it all before,
What I have left is nothing more.

hello world, i am 16 years old

2009-05-18T21:49:00.002+08:00

HI! This is the first time you ever heard from the 16 year old Huda. This Huda's gonna be very different from the one of previous years, well now I'm just trying to blend my older side (as in my younger self) with my newer side (as in my recent self). Cosmopolitan you know? Like jiapelang rojak or something something. Haha!

The 16 year old Huda is definite. She's indefinitely definite. I know what I want. I know where I'd like to be headed. I'm gonna be a better person, you'll see.

I think you're gonna like me.
(This isn't for any particular person la! It's for my family & friends in general)

33 year old Alexander Wang Lee Hom

2009-05-17T00:56:00.004+08:00

Hey May 17th! Alexander Wang Lee Hom, you just turned 33 today! OMGOD you do not look 33 at all. You're like, forshizzles. Everybody looks forward most to their Sweet 16th birthday, but whyyy I gotta discover you yesterday and find out your 33rd birthday was today and now I wish I could've been "15 going on 33" tomorrow. This is kind of the last day I'll be 15, and I gotta make the best of it. By doing homework! Bye people! Enjoy these SIZZLIN' pictures of Lee Hom before you go! (Macam got anyone who still reads my blog lol)

Farewell, Adam Cook.

2009-05-14T19:48:00.004+08:00

While I am in bliss, having a crush on someone - yes, again (for like the millionth time?! HUDA!) - little did I know about the sad things that's been happening around me.

David Cook just lost his brother sometime last week. And how he handled it, well it warms my heart. And the time when he sang Always Be My Baby on AI he teared cus Adam came all the way across the country just to see him. And him wearing the orange bracelet everywhere for his 7 year old fan Lindsey Rose. The songs he sings (like Innocent). I'm not surprised why I like him so much, he truly is one of the nicest people you can come across. David Archuleta too. And McFly. They're the kind of people... a girl like me hopes to marry one fine day. The looks, the heart, the everything. Even their talent is out of the question already.

Jon & Kate Plus 8: Both Jon & Kate are cheating on each other. Aww man. Aww man. The kids. Aww man the kids.

I don't know. Today felt relatively long. Nice change I gotta admit. Somehow. It just goes to show that... it's the matters of the heart that matters.

2009-05-06T18:40:00.001+08:00

"Say your prayers before prayers for you are said."

- The Holy Quran.

swan lake.

2009-05-04T20:20:00.002+08:00

Badly badly need a camera.
And a notebook (laptop luh).

And that super cute and fat purple clutch.

And a massive change of wardrobe.

I need to lose weight.
Am gonna run my 2.4km in 10 mins time...

Bye world, I'll be back!
And this time, I'll be pretty! So long as my skin clears up and my hair a little longer... and once I ditch these specs and I do my facercises! Eat less carbo and start sleeping regularly.

I can only hope... I'll grow out of this Ugly Duckling image of myself.

Anime!

2009-05-02T03:51:00.004+08:00

I really, really wanna get back to watching animes. They make me feel... well... the feeling is just undescribable. The plot, the illustrations, the stupid humour (hahaaa), the character development, the soundtracks... can leave one crying at the last episodes.

Such beautiful things, animes. I love you come back to meee T^T

And I really really really cannot get over the fact that they didn't put Ruriko and Ukiya together in the end... how can you keep breaking that girl's heart?!?! She's my ultimate favourite girl character from any anime. Ever. She was the first (and maybe only) anime character I ever drew. I was like 8, Primary 2! I couldn't help myself but watch the first 2 episodes of Gate Keepers just now but I don't want to go on cus I feel too sad for poor Rurippe. Stupid Ukiya! Stupid Ukiya why didn't you like Ruriko back?! Ukiya bagaa!

See how cute they are together! Oh the cruel realities of life... ToT

On a happier note though, I sure am glad Kaname and Sousuke of Full Metal Panic ended up together! How beautiful TuT

At least there are those with happy endings... T^T

2009-04-25T04:40:00.004+08:00

OMG it's so cool cus it's like 04.44am right now and I haven't bathed in almost 22 hours haha should I break the 24 hour record NO it's gross Huda go bathe now.

BUT BEFORE I DO THAT I JUST WANNA SAY THAT I couldn't help myself but spent the entire night watching Archie, Cookie, McFly and Busted videos. But like 15 mins ago the strangest thing happened. As I was finding more Funny McFly Moments videos (they really are super funny) and feeling so nostalgic and sad how Busted split up I came across this old favourite video of mine:

(So cute with Dougie asking Danny to push the door at the end)

And it was only at the 2nd second (cool) of watching the video that I realized that OMG DAVID! And it's like David Archie's on tour with McFly this very moment! Then I remembered again about sometime last year I also mentioned about the David coincidence. I found the post by the way. Gosh it was so old haha.

May 13th (haha almost wrote 1993. '92 would make it Han's bday) 2008

O-M-G i want david archuleta to win pls& david cook to get 2nd.
cus cookie's better off producing his own songs,cus the winner has to sing whatever the company writes for them...he just needs to be known a bit, thus runner-up. =)

both of them are hot (i never liked facial hair but cookie & charlie from lost are smexily cute)both of them are oh-so-GOOD!

if i was blind i'd still love both of them,
if i were deaf i'd still love both of them!
if i was both i think i'll only like archie cus i'll only think that cookie's beard is gross without knowing that he actually looks nice with it!!!!!!!!!!!

ACHOO! let ar, let leta win ar.
hudakins wants archiekins to winkins.

- - - - -

I TOLD YOU MY PLAYLIST IS A SMARTASS.

was predicting that the davids would dominate it soon enough,
then *suddenly!* the VERY FIRST song it played was....
guess guess guess!

WHO'S DAVID.

i've told you other amazing stories about my playlist right? it's creepy but STILL SO COOL!!!!
oh & don't you think archiekins looks a lil bit like a cross between joakim gomez, aliff aziz & mr benny lim? weird. but archie is of course hottest!! :3

idk why but these days small eyes are really appealing.
dougie has small eyes. fishes have small eyes.
archie has small eyes.

ooh ooh btw fyi,
my hiccups today were pretty funny.
it came for 5mins in the late morning, took a superrr long lunch break

.... only to come back for 5 more mins in the evening -.-

i like challenging myself to like outrun/outtalk/outbreathe my hiccups!

Oh and here's the original Who's David song by Busted :D

Eeep update it's 05:22am I still haven't bathed haha omgomg I was goina close the David Cook's Life On The Moon tab and I saw that one of the uploaders of the related videos's name was..... Ven! As in Ven's real name. Not Ven. OMG cool freaky shit.

Zuko (not my Superpoke pet)

2009-04-25T00:23:00.014+08:00

I haven't been able to watch Avatar much lately, but I did manage to catch one of the nicest episodes of all. Book 3 Chapter 12: The Western Air Temple. I think it was meant to be that I did, cus it taught me such a valuable lesson. And I never knew Zuko only joined Aang and gang in the last few episodes, I thought they had an entire season together. It felt like it, I guess it's cus when I first watched Avatar I only started at the last few episodes when they were all friends already lol. Zuko's so cute, he never makes any sense and he's so stiff and awkward and confused. Lost Boy haha. But after this episode when he was rehearsing with a frog and impersonating his uncle saying "Zuko, you have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then, will your true self reveal itself." it so reminded me of me cus I love wordplay (btw David loves that song by Jason Mraz too) and that's why I love tongue twisters so much and can be pretty good at it. I thought up the "I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought" sometime in primary school I think so to see it on the oral notes was quite a surprise. It's like, wow, people do bother coming up with these stupid things too - I thought it was just me.

Anyway what Zuko later on said made me feel like I understood completely what he meant. He had all this time but he sort of "wasted" it, and only turned it around at the very last lap. It's like me with this O Levels thing, I have done less than 50 proper assignments in the past 4 years (this includes ALL the subjects) and it's only now that I'm changing. *points to self-intro on the bar on the left* It's a shock to me it's a shock to everybody but I hope I would be like Zuko and be able to have a happy ending too.

Zuko's first try: I can understand why you wouldn't trust me. And I know I've made some mistakes in the past. Look, I admit I've done some awful things. I was wrong to [do all the things I've done].

ROFG (Rolling On Floor Groaning) after burning Toph's feet by accident: Why am I so bad at being good?!?!

Second try: Listen, I know I didn't explain myself very well yesterday. I've been through a lot in the past few years. And it's been hard. But I'm realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honour, and that somehow my father can return it to me. But I know now that no one can give you your honour. It's something you earn for yourself by choosing what's right.

Oh Zuko :)

P/S: I'm still pretty pissed off at the fact that the Avatar Movie cast is so terrible. I mean, a hispanic for Zuko?!? I don't mean to be racist but it's so off! And I thought the Dragonball Z movie was bad. On the bright side at least he'd be better off than Jesse McCartney. Jesse for Zuko oh my GOD such a shame it's like poor Zuko he's trying so hard to regain his honour but now it's gonna be lost forever!!!

2009-04-22T01:30:00.004+08:00

This is the last week of my happy-go-lucky "chillingchilling" LAZY attitude.

Come on, you run 2.4km every other day now, and you HATE running. I'm sure that's significant enough to prove that you can be disciplined. Go Huda go Huda you can do it :) :)

I'm sorry teachers and everybody in general. I'm really tryna shed all them bad habits. Right now it's kind of like in the process, like a snake shedding its old skin (EWW!!!!!!) and it's like berkeropeng like that Iluma building (where David went to, out of all malls x__x) SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME OK! TAHAN TAHAN.

BY THE WAY. We all have David Archuleta to thank. Cus he played a part in making me feel happy and inspiring me to do well in school. I love you David thanks for making my life better I love you :)

it's just you and me now.

2009-04-18T00:53:00.005+08:00

I feel bad for being more impatient these days but it's really just too much (just too much..~). No no shan't complain, this is a test of my strength of character.

And I know just how to handle it. -

Keep this accursed mouth shut.

Oh David, it's no wonder why I'm infatuated with you. You're one of the few things left that make me smile. Haha I guess starting now I'll be spending the rest of this year cooped up alone with my books and watching/listening to/reading about you huh. Hahaha I can get used to that :)

Ugh man I need a hug.

UK high street.

2009-04-15T00:31:00.007+08:00

OK the title has nothing to do with what I'm about to write.
I feel determined to work hard for my O's.
But I feel so alone, I've nobody to stand at the corner holding a foam finger and cheering me on :(

Oh Huda stop whining you little baby.

I miss you David please drop by Singapore sometime again okay remember the contract you signed?? Yep, the one I'm holding right here:

Come back sooon it's never an Archie Day without you!!! (haha you do know what it is, right? ;D)

*getting cold turkey from post April 7th blues*

if anyone can make me fall in love, you can.

2009-04-13T17:26:00.008+08:00

Take me where I've never been,
Help me on my feet again.
Show me that good things
come to those who wait.
Tell me I'm not on my own.
Tell me I won't be alone.
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake.
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can.

Save me from myself, you can.
And it's you and no one else.
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end.
If you asked me, I would follow.
But for now, I just pretend.
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can.

Baby, when you look at me,
Tell me, what do you see?
Are these the eyes of
someone you could love?
Cause everything that brought me here,
Well, now it all seems so clear.

Baby, you're the one I've been dreaming of.
If anyone can make me fall in love,
You can.

It's my job to get a job

2009-04-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

2009-04-09T21:12:00.003+08:00

Yay I had the best week of my life I still am I've just so much to say oh gosh but I'm leaving for Malaysia in 15 mins time oh golly gosh I'm going to Sunway and David Archie is gonna be there too oh my gosh we were meant to be anyway I shall elab more on it next time bye guys I love you!!!!!!!!!!!

So much love so much love so much love.......

P/S: I really owe Quraisya and Widad man. If it weren't for them.... aww man. BTW QEY I GET IT NOW! When you gave me that card last week and said you were gonna bring me back to Ground Zero but it was only Part I of your gift right! The Part II was this this Archie thing! You really meant to get me to Cloud Nine! And you did! Sorry for scolding you in the toilet! You're so sweet. =)

2009-04-05T17:17:00.008+08:00

They were the Golden Couple.

How he kept looking at her on his guest appearance on Friends, how he talked about her during an interview, how he used to watch Friends cus it was "the only time I can spend with my wife" whenever they were away from each other.

2005 was the year of their divorce.
It was the year of my parents' divorce too.

My uncle came over last night.
Angelina Jolie reminds me of my dad in a way,
I guess it's mostly in the things she does.

The One With The Rumour

2009-04-03T21:42:00.002+08:00

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

I miss petting those cuute bunny rabbits downstairs :(

2009-04-03T21:34:00.003+08:00

Yeah Mum, we're sorry none of us are like Kakak. Too bad.

Shut up shut up shut up!
I've got work to do.

Liar, liar, plants for hire

2009-03-27T23:22:00.004+08:00

(I am not going to mention anything about why I didn't go to school for the past 2 days.)

Anyway.

I feel so brittle. And fragile.
Like I'm so easily broken.

Huh I never sound happy in my blog, do I? *chuckle*

Why do I always feel like this..?

Everytime, every time people do things to me or to anyone else that aren't very nice I feel like crying. Yes I do feel pathetic but there's very little I can do about it. I don't know.. I just don't know anymore. I don't even feel worthy of anything. That's when I start doing bad things - lying, in particular - and after which I feel even worse and the process repeats itself. I don't know....

Why do I always feel lonely?

2009-03-26T10:33:00.004+08:00

From F21

So please
Reduce!!!
Reuse (your senior's one?)
and my favourite:
RECYCLE ♥

... or print on recycled paper. ^u^

2009-03-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

Haha whoa it's 11.59pm right now.. still a Sunday! But it doesn't make me feel any better cus I haven't done any of my homework :(

Am I really going back that same track again?

I'm happy cus I'm liking animals more and more. I got quite a surprise at how soft a snake is since it's been 8 years since I last touched one. This one was smaller though, not a python most probably, so cute, I even patted its head and it just hissssed ^^

I love birds too. I never knew there'd come a day that I adore them. They are so pretty. I'm even less afraid of bugs and stuff now! They're so cute, one time I stayed up late to study E Maths for CT and this cute yellow bug was walking around my book the whole time, and guess what I almost got an A1!! It's quite good for me cus I normally range from a C to an F :\

A bunny rabbit bit my finger the other day till it bled and bled. But it didn't hurt that much, just a lot of blood. That was cus it was the first day we met and she was paranoid but she's starting to warm up now, she likes it when I stroke her head down to her nose. Aww. Then the cutest little birdie bit me when I patted its back, but it wasn't a big deal. It still didn't mind standing on my arm *u* Then there was the kitty cat. It was super manja, when I left it kept meowing. Then there was another one when I was walking home I ran towards it and said "Hello kitty" and it replied "Miaow" before entering the construction site! Oh precious.

I don't know, I'm getting better with animals, and I think even with children too! There was a period when kids didn't really like me but now babies laugh when I smile and say hi to them oh my goodness! I want some for myself.

I love thinking happy thoughts.

2009-03-13T01:30:00.006+08:00

I can't take it anymore Junie is the cutest little darling, she's one of the very few little girl characters I really like from any fiction story! And I love this book. It's my favourite. I'm gonna buy it on eBay.

And this is just about the most adorable bunch of babies I've ever seen. So cute! It's on Discovery Travel & Living, weekdays at 11am.
Jon and Kate plus 8

2009-03-12T23:11:00.003+08:00

If I don't start addressing anything specific, I'll never get be able to get down to it.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
But I also think that a word is worth a thousand pictures.

Watched the recent Visa commercial? "GO. It's a tiny two-letter word that makes big things happen etc etc" Words are amazing. As much as they are "properly" and "rightfully" defined in a dictionary, there's something so flexible about them that let's your imagination run wild. I was confirmed this theory when I wondered if I should watch the movie The Boy In The Striped Pajamas or read the novel instead. I already knew what I wanted, but I asked anyway. Audrey's answer was obvious and predictable: "The book lah."

I mean it's like, when you read a book, it's entirely up to you how you picture the characters and the scenes to look like, based on just a few simple adjectives the author uses to describe them. Like the Serena from the Gossip Girl book, she was said to be so pretty she could've been the reason why the term "drop-dead gorgeous" was invented. Namely, the guys could all fall to their feet (Head over heels? Btw this I still don't get - isn't your head always over your heels?) at the mere sight of her beauty. But turned out, the actress was just this plain old blonde with a mole on her cheek (She scores on the lunch lady look. All she needs is a hairnet and an apron now). But anyhoots I still think she's fit to be Serena, the way she's still so charming despite of the injustice her features do to the actual character from the book.

I mean, wouldn't it be more exciting for everyone to have their own little version of things? Every reader would have a different way of seeing stuff. But in a movie what you see is what you get, and that was how it was, like the actors or not.

And to think I came up with all this hoot just after I finished reading my favourite book of all time: The Cloud Chamber by Joyce Maynard. Sad, just borrowed it on Tuesday and now I finished the whole thing :( You know how it feels. You wanna read it again, but it's just not the same. Now that you know how it ends. I hesistated to finish it time and again for that reason, but I just couldn't stop myself from reading, page after page, chapter after chapter. I just had to know what was going to happen next, you know.

I have a contradictory thought too, about the pictures and words. But I'll leave that for another time. Now I've got to get to writing my testimonial and reading Planet Earth and catching up on Maths and preparing for SPA that's happening in 4 days Inshallah and researching on how to take care of bunny rabbits and writing notes for Ysabel and watch Pocoyo and Jon & Kate Plus 8 and go to that cloud chamber website Joyce Maynard recommended.

Hey wow I'm starting to write like her too hey that's a good sign maybe now I'd have more motivation to do well for essays. I'm planning to write a book too, I haven't got the plot right yet but I'm settled on the title Your Call.

You know I just love it when you can juxtapose two completely different things and realize that they're all intertwined some way or another.

And anyway, everything is made up of Carbon.

2009-03-07T03:33:00.003+08:00

This is the most exaggerated baby I have ever seen and known.
I want him to be mine pls =(

He has the most adorable hat and the dearest voice and also the cutest actions.I (heart) Pocoyo so much!

2009-03-03T22:55:00.004+08:00

"When a person dies the angels will ask what he has brought forward but the sons of Adam will ask what he has left behind."

The signs of the Last Hour. One of them:
"There will come a time for my people when… the mosques will be full of people but they will be empty of right guidance."

and also

"A time will come when the hypocrites will live secretly among you, and the faithful will try to live their religion in secret among others."

and

"There will come a time upon the Ummah when people will recite the Qur’an, but it will not go further than their throats, (into their hearts)."

All are quoted from Muhammad saw, 1400 years ago.

NJC

2009-03-01T02:07:00.005+08:00

I wanna go here.6 points and nothing more.I wanna wear the waterproofand FIREPROOFuniform.

2009-02-22T21:54:00.003+08:00

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
The world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field

I think I'm starting a new life
Where no one knows my name
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.

Where no one knows my name.

2009-02-21T05:01:00.008+08:00

Seriously. If I could play music, I'd learn every instrument I could. Acoustic guitar, electric guitar, drums, piano, violin, harmonica, and my absolute favourite one: the flute.

I love Canon. I wonder if Mindy can play this.

And one of my favourite episodes of Pocoyo! It's so sad I almost wanted to cry when his balloon floated away...

2009-02-06T00:22:00.004+08:00

You can say just about anything bad about me - my face, my hair, my weight, my height, my attitude, my stamina, my fear of harmless insects (I won't say I know you all know what it is), my failures, my poor Malay, my toenails, my specs, my bag, anythingg ok. Cus those are personal attacks, and that I can take. But to say I'm brainwashed by my faith.....

.... that is the ultimate form of disrespect.

I understand your condition and all, but please, basic courtesy okay. The thing that hurts me is that I'm here, just trying to be a better person, more righteous, staying away from all that is bad and you say I'm brainwashed for "hiding or missing out on so many things".

Look I'm sorry but to be totally honest with you, I've been there I've done that and it's really just stupid I find now. It's just so.. so.. so shallow. And no, just cus the 1.5m pool is too deep for me doesn't make me shallow.

I'm just disappointed (the way Mr Tan is with us all) that a friend, were to say such a thing. I try to forget bitter stuff, but I've never been so disturbed by a remark by anyone.

I want to be a Stranger. As what Khalid Yasin said :)
And I'll marry another Stranger too.

2009-02-02T04:33:00.003+08:00

Wow, February already? And the first day of it is gone....

Boy do I sound like a sad little being here. Sorry but it just shows. I guess I am one, I just don't like how I've become. It's so hard to get back to where I was.. I'm wasted.

I know I shouldn't be worrying about so many "unnecessary" things but really they are all "necessary" cus I just can't concentrate on my studies with all these sick feelings in my gut pricking me time and again. I keep running away from my responsibilities. You know it sometimes gets to the point that I feel so filthy I just wanna give up cus I feel so unworthy of even being a Believer. Of course I know that's wrong in every sense.

I just wanna be on YouTube, listening to the recitations, reading the translations, and marvel at how beautiful the verses are. I just wanna study science in the light of the Quran and be amazed (Masha Allah) everytime I discover something new. I just wanna go to the orphanage and read books to the little children and teach them so many wonderful wonderful things.

I just want to nurture someone to be the best person I can ever hope him or her to be, because that, now, seems too far-fetched for me.

2009-01-29T23:49:00.003+08:00

I learned that strength is something you choose.

I got itchy2 throat.

I feel...

2009-01-28T23:59:00.003+08:00

I feel... I don't know what I'm feeling.

Well basically I've been really close to my family (thank God for that), but not so much with friends. I can't say who cares but I guess it doesn't bother me much. I dunno. It's just not working out for me. School's just school, and the schoolmates are just that - mates. Not soulmates though, which matters more :(

I do kinda miss my primates (STANDS FOR "PRIMARY SCHOOL MATES" DON'T ACT SO SURPRISED) abit here and there, but nothing too big a deal to get over.

I don't know, I just haven't felt the connection.. even after all these years.

Even after so much effort has been put in.

I'm tired.

inside - outside.

2009-01-18T23:29:00.003+08:00

I know that some of what I'm learning is inaccurate.
I know that some of the information in these textbooks are not the truth.

But I will write essays based on the given factors anyway,
I just want to get through the O Levels.

Don't worry too much about what's happening around you,
Worry about yourself and your family first.

The fundamentals.

Still, if it is within your control or ability to help out even by just a bit, give all that you can.

For your wealth is only your zakah and sadaqah,
everything else isn't yours.

verily, i have yet to prove my worth.

2009-01-17T23:56:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry for writing yet another sad post but I really have been feeling that way a lot lately. I don't know, I guess the stress is getting to me. All those years I strayed away from my academic path, now it's so hard to get back on track. You know I like to think that it was quite essential for my social understanding and character building cus it helped me see things from different angles. But people keep saying oh how I used to be so clever, how wasted I am, and it's been going on for so long that it really makes me feel disheartened. So much sometimes that I start believing I'll never be able to be great again. I really wanted to assure myself that I wasn't wasting my time, that experience is the best teacher, but I'm starting to think I'm being delusional and just making excuses for my lack of rationale sometimes.

I really want to cry. I am tearing up now. I just feel so upset, you know. With myself. I do get unhappy with other people, especially when they're being disrespectful, but at the end of the day I come to know that I am part to blame. Maybe they don't realize - that's their own fault; but for me I already know about it and I have the potential to be able to change things, but I'm not doing anything so who am I to criticize?

I know some of you might say this is unnecessary worry. And that I'm wasting my energy. But I'm pretty sure I see things better than you do, and I see more things than you do. I analyze, I hypothesize, I observe, I comprehend, I conclude. That's just the kind of person I am. By the way, I don't mean to sound superior at all.

It is especially dangerous for me to sin, cus I have a strong guilty conscience, and when my resistance fails and I do it, I feel so bad and filthy that I don't even feel worthy to ask for forgiveness from Allah. It's a chain reaction, one thing lead to another, and eventually I'm left with nothing but regret.

I should talk to somebody you say. I can't. I'm an introvert. It'll never come out right. I'm not very articulate and my English (let alone my Malay oh my gad) isn't so good. In fact, it's quite terrible. Well it is, according to examination standards.

Ok I wrote too much. Haha, so many commas. I just want a husband I can return home to, and hug and worship Allah together with. Study together, watch videos together. Eat from the same plate, sleep on the same bed. I'm not clingy really I'm not. I just think that a woman compliments and complements a man, and vice versa. They can really empower each other, and oh how it pleases Allah... "to be married to a person, one has fulfilled half his religion. The other half is for the fear of Allah."

"Our Lord! Do not punish us if we forget or make mistake; Our Lord! Do not lay on us a burden as Thou didst on those before us; Our Lord! Do not impose on us that which we do not have the strength to bear; and pardon us and grant us protection and have mercy on us, Thou art our Patron, so help us against the unbelieving people." Surah Al-Baqarah - 2:286

O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the weakness of myself.

all in the will of God.

2009-01-15T00:34:00.006+08:00

Insya Allah I will do well. I'm doing my best.
But if I fail, I accept. Cus Allah knows best.

It's cleansing itself, my heart.
But like they say, "It's gonna hurt when it heals too".

It does.

"Verily, for it is not the eyes that grow blind, but it is the heart, which is within the bosoms, that go blind." The Holy Quran 22:46

"Verily in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest." The Holy Quran 13:28

It is the best feeling in the world.

i love you yes i do.

2009-01-11T02:01:00.010+08:00

I thought I could stop but I broke it.

... all started with Warah and me watching McFly's You've Got A Friend on my MP4.

I love you McFly. I really do.
And, Dougie Lee Poynter, you were the only person I've ever fallen in love with, besides Syahmi.

Oh Dougie, I know how intimidating it feels to be overshadowed (literally)

Do you remember Quraisya, when we were 12, I started liking them so much I tore off a page of them from Lime mag (LOL) and had post-its of their full names and birthdays and everything pasted on it and I asked you who you think is handsomest and you pointed to Dougie but at that time I was attracted to Harry but now I think I'd have preferred Dougie any day, at any age. :) (And now you prefer Harry! Cool how it switches.)

This was the EXACT picture on that page, remember!

That was taken in 2003-2004. Dougie was OUR AGE!! 16!!!!!! How often do you get to see such adorable fresh-faced 16 year olds nowadays huh. Now all drug-addict face lol.
(And yet, in the next picture he looks like one! Ironic, isn't it?)

This still is my absolute favourite picture of Dougie though. Ever.

<3

Don't wanna be a coca-cola muslim.

2009-01-05T00:24:00.003+08:00

I don't wanna be a coca-cola Muslim no more.

Coca-cola is bad for you, just ask Quraisya's ex-tooth.

Debris dispatched. Deliberately.

2009-01-01T01:59:00.007+08:00

For one thing, I find today's world very mean (just like everyone else does) cus it brings so many bad Ds (having 2 Ds (double D aka Didi) at home is enough thank you!).

inDoctrination, [artificial] Definition, Delusion, Distortion, Deviation, Detours, Decoy, Dominance, Dissatisfaction, Dependency, Disobedience, unDecency, [no] Dignity, Debauchery, Desperation, DONKEY, Deception, Dejection, Defeat, Debt, Deterioration, Degradation, Dysfuction, Disorder, Drama, Divorce, Division, Darkness, Danger, Depression, [Dilepsy ey Mindy :D], Dementia, [tainted] Dairy, [no] Direction, Diarrhoea, Disease, Diabetes, [eg. tooth] Decay, Destruction, Death, DAMNATION (it's a real word, serious); just to name a few (lol)

But for another, I find it rather good, for everyone. Let this be a lesson.

A true test for your strength of character.

For the only 4 good Ds I know in the Dictionary:

Deduction.
Decision.
Deen.
Destination. - Paradise

Decipher The Light.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Correction: Daisies (wha another D) are my 2nd favourite flowers.My first is (and somehow has always been) the Periwinkle. I love the blue/purple ones most! Periwinkle roses are pretty too, and periwinkle shells, and just so happen my favourite character on Blue's Clues is Periwinkle the cat (besides Slippery Soap and Mailbox)!
It's God-sent I tell ya *v*

And I welcome 2009.

2008-12-30T00:54:00.002+08:00

I look forward to 2009. It's only days away. Sure, O Levels are kind of scary, but I think studying is fun! I've always thought that way. Save for 2003-2008, where I took a long break. I just wanted to get a taste of life, yanno. Be all "in the scene" and "in the know". I knew what it's like to be an angsty, misunderstood person; how school can sometimes be murder by killing you of boredom; and basically understand how and why teenagers think and act the way they do. And I'm done with all of that. :) Now I'm [finally] dedicating my entire life to God. Cus bottom line, that's what really matters.

I now have a map of the road to my future. It feels nice to know you have a destination.

For the very few friends who are still reading my blog (doubt it though), I just wanna tell you beforehand that I'm sorry, but I will opt out quite often from our usual activities.

I wanna concentrate on healthy pursuits.

(Why do I always sound so awkwardly formal??)

Apple Juice, oh Apple Juice.

2008-12-27T20:46:00.008+08:00

Here's a little poem I wrote sometime this year. I can't really remember when exactly, but it was when I had my Apple Juice madness. The most random of stuff can make me contemplate so much. It was during recess. Hahaha I remember the end part :)

I stare into my apple juice
Swarm of yellow and green, mm like earth wire
I stare into my apple juice
Wa so good at Physics. Should aim higher.

I stare into my apple juice
Hmm, the fruit that discovered gravity.
I stare into my apple juice
And unlike it, the science had great clarity.

Gravity, that's what makes you fall right?
Does it count for falling in love?
Apple juice apple juice
You came unto Isaac Newton from above.

I stare into my apple juice
Made of apples, crushed
I stare into my apple juice
My thoughts, like it, all mush

I stare into my apple juice
Foamy, bubbly, oh so fresh.
I start to sip my apple juice
LYDIA TERANTOK, TUMPAHLAH THE REST.

Hahaha. Moral of the story is: "Always drink your juice before recess is over." Hehehe. :D

Bye, social life.

2008-12-26T19:11:00.002+08:00

I love my skins. (okay technically not mine)

Run The Red Lights.

The Sweetest Thing.

Innocence.

Summer Holidays.

I've Found You.

The Littlest Things.

Live, Life, Love.

Run Away.

Remembering Yesterday.

The Sweetest Feeling.

Life's A Field Trip. (I learnt that in MSB too)

All Is Fine.

Four : reuyoaix

I love how they can so effortlessly describe me.
Since I've so much trouble doing that.

I love my LittleRedRidingHooda :)

Goodbye, past.
You were crucial for my present
And essential for my future.

I am leaving the trash.
I only want the treasure.

Thanks, mum

2008-12-15T00:30:00.001+08:00

Wow, I never thought those words could and would ever come out of your mouth. Thanks mum. That changes everything.

It's all I could ever ask for.

:)